When confronted by relentless bullying, many people think that they must have done something wrong. Covert, sneaky bullies are especially good at stimulating self-doubt, insecurity and guilt. People think they must have been bad to the bully and that’s why they’re being harassed, abused or bullied.
But that’s far from the truth.
Over 90% of the people who come to me with such thoughts have actually done nothing bad. In fact, they’ve gone out of their way to be kind, accommodating and friendly to their oppressors. They’ve tried to debate, argue and prove they’re nice. They’ve negotiated and compromised repeatedly. But they never got decent treatment, appreciation or respect in return.
Relentless bullies and control-freaks are never convinced. Of course not. As long as bullies’ attacks keep you on the defensive, they win. Why should they stop beating you into submission? They get what they want.
Bullying is the fault of the bully. Bullies always have their narcissistic excuses, reasons and justifications. Typical is the abusive spouse who says, “It’s your fault. You made me do this to you.” Nonsense. Bullying is their fault.
The only problem (not fault; simply problem) their targets have is that they don’t give themselves permission to push back or they don’t know how. Their task is to learn how.
For that 90%, once they’ve given themselves permission or the command to protect themselves, to create a bully-free “Isle of Song,” they can learn the skills they need to carry out an effective plan.
Just because it’s that simple, clear and easy to understand doesn’t make it easy to carry out. Especially if you’ve trained bullies to think they can win if they’re persistent, they won’t make efforts to communicate, they won’t be honest, they’ll ignore previous agreements and they’ll keep pushing your boundaries.
The best way to stop bullying by toxic spouses, parents, children, friends and coworkers is to hire Dr. Ben for personalized coaching and counseling so you can:
- Develop the strength, courage, will and determination to be and to act your best resolutely, diligently and effectively.
- Develop a plan and master the skills necessary to create the bully-free life your spirit has always hungered for.
Since all tactics depend on the situation, call me at 1-877-8Bullies for expert coaching by phone or Skype.