One of Polly’s daughters had always been selfish, narcissistic, entitled, demanding and RIGHT. At 35 she’d become even worse. Polly or her other children could never do anything good enough. Her daughter’s demands changed and escalated every moment. She was relentless in her bullying and abuse. She fought as if every little thing was life-or-death.
Sometimes she was overt – throwing things, yelling, spitting or hitting whoever she was angry at. Sometimes she was sneaky and manipulative – making up lies, slyly spreading poisonous opinions, stimulating people to feel insulted or left out, lying and backstabbing with a smile. She’d organize other people as her “flying monkeys” to attack her scapegoat of the moment.
One rotten narcissist can spoil a whole barrel of good apples.
Polly was very competent. She could always find ways of bringing other people together and negotiating peace. But nothing had ever changed her bullying, narcissistic daughter. It was her daughter’s way or a fight to the death. The rest of Polly’s children gave in; “That was the way she always was.” Polly had never stopped her, so they simply abandoned the fight.
Holidays always ended in anger and fights because somebody had always offended her daughter. Polly’s family was falling apart. Her children didn’t want their children to be with their sister and her children. The pain and poison were spread all around.
Polly finally accepted she couldn’t rescue her daughter; it was above her job description.
The price of enabling her daughter to control the whole family was losing her family. The other children were becoming selfish and nasty, or victims in order to protect themselves from emotional damage. Trying to reason with her daughter would not save the barrel. It’s as useless as trying to resist gravity by flapping your arms. Giving in to gravity is hard for smart, competent people who’ve always been able to find solutions.
Polly accepted she was not giving up on her daughter; she was simply accepting gravity and the need to remove a rotten apple before all the other apples are ruined. It was her job as the mother to save as many of the good apples as she could. And to pray for her daughter.
Polly had to use strong measures, e.g., police and social services, before her daughter was forced to accept help. That was the only way Polly could see to save her grandchildren from their toxic, narcissistic mother. Polly was surprised that when she stopped letting her daughter act out, her other children rallied behind her. But that’s the way it usually is.
We can also look at narcissists like we look at infected splinters or cancer cells. We all know what we need to do.
Of course, there are many complications depending on your situation. The best way to learn how to take power in your life and to be the person you want to be is to hire Dr. Ben for personalized coaching and counseling so you can:
- Develop the strength, courage, will and determination to be and to act your best resolutely, diligently and effectively.
- Develop a plan and master the skills necessary to create the life your spirit has always hungered for.
Since all tactics depend on the situation, call me at 1-877-8Bullies for expert counseling and coaching by phone or Skype.