Jane knew her boyfriend Jerry, just like her father, was cheap and selfish, a bullying, abusive narcissist. But he wasn’t cruel and he didn’t yell at her all the time. There would be whole days when he adored her. But every time he had to spend any money or help her do anything he didn’t want to or keep it together for more than three days, he was guaranteed to blow.
He never apologized; he’d blame her for his rages, claim she was hyper-sensitive and over-reacting, and minimize how bad he’d been. And point out when she had criticized him. She constantly doubted herself. Her confidence, self-worth and self-esteem rode a huge roller coaster.
Jane researched internet experts to see if bullies and narcissists could be cured.
The experts disagreed; some said they could be cured, others that couldn’t. The only way she’d know would be at her last breath.
The ones who said they could be cured, said it was a full-time job. Both of them would have to be in therapy all their lives and Jane would be have to be ever watchful for Jerry to revert. Bullies and narcissists were boundary pushers. If Jane had power, Jerry might decide to give in temporarily, and act submissive and charming to get what he wanted. But then he’d slowly revert when she relaxed or he’d worn her down.
There’s a wide range from bullying through narcissism to narcissistic personality disorder, sociopathology and psychopathology.
Jane couldn’t lump them all together when she looked for answers. Sometimes Jerry promised to change and then almost immediately took it back. Or he said the only way he could change was if she was with him completely. She had to marry him and support him. She knew, in her heart-of-hearts, he really wanted power and control of her. And he wanted her to be happy with him doing exactly what he wanted at any moment.
Jane asked herself a better question: Did she want to go along for a lifetime of battering rides on the roller coaster of Jerry’s narcissism?
She was thrilled with Jerry when he said she was the most beautiful woman in the world. Jerry said he needed her; give him what he wanted and he’d be with her forever. She was thrilled when she thought she could rescue Jerry. His therapist said he could be saved and she was the only one who could cure him. But of course, he was most concerned with what Jerry wanted, not with her happiness.
Jane decided she didn’t want to take the risk and the beating.
She decided he’d have to cure himself on his own time with his own therapist. Now, in her middle age, she’d look for better love from a person without those issues.
Of course, there are many complications depending on your situation. The best way to learn how to take power in your life and to be the person you want to be is to hire Dr. Ben for personalized coaching and counseling so you can:
- Develop the strength, courage, will and determination to be and to act your best resolutely, diligently and effectively.
- Develop a plan and master the skills necessary to create the life your spirit has always hungered for.
Since all tactics depend on the situation, call me at 1-877-8Bullies for expert counseling and coaching by phone or Skype.