Prevent office coups by sneaky bullies

Sometimes we get so caught up in daily tasks and deadlines that we forget to take care of what really matters.  That’s a prescription for disaster, even though you may feel like you’re meeting many deadlines.

For example, June’s team was in the process of growing from five to 10 people. She had way too much on her plate to do everything.  So, she delegated the tasks she didn’t like or that didn’t seem urgent to her to her assistant, Don.

After about six months, June noticed that nearly all the new hires on her team didn’t respect her and whispered behind her back.  She overheard them mocking her just like Don often did.  They seemed to enjoy her pained expression, and didn’t seem to be afraid of repercussions for their behavior.

Don, a sneaky bully, had taken power in the office.

To read the rest of this article from the Portland Business Journal, see:
Prevent office coups by sneaky bullies

June knew she had done nothing wrong to them and couldn’t image what had turned them against her.  Finally, June realized what had happened. The new hires were acting just like Don did. She had turned over a critical task – hiring and training of new employees – to someone who didn’t like her.

Don had created an unofficial and hostile power center within her team. The new employees were loyal to the person who had hired and trained them.  Even worse, June had enabled his hostile takeover by promoting him to become her assistant, despite his previous antagonistic behavior. She’d hoped he’d respond to her generous gesture with friendship and loyalty.

June had discovered some hard truths: - see article for details about how June solved her problem.

The best way to learn what to do to stop covert bullies and empire builders is to hire Dr. Ben for personalized coaching and organizational consulting.

Design and implement an effective plan that eliminates the high cost of low attitudes.  To get the help you need, call Ben at 1-877-828-5543.

Becoming a victim of bullying destroys physical, mental health

Being a target of bullying doesn’t necessarily affect your mental, emotional and physical health at the time or later in life.  But becoming a victim will drastically compromise a person’s health and well-being.

No, I don’t have a big study to back this up – although some studies are currently being conducted.  My bold conclusion is an old-husband’s tale.  Don’t wait for a pseudo-scientific study.  Does it make sense to you?  Does it fit your experience in your own life and in the lives of people you’ve observed?

Targets who resist, targets who keep their spirit’s fire burning bright, targets who get away and create bully-free lives don’t suffer the same long-term consequences.  People who become victims, people who accept their defeat, people who gravitate to serial relationships with bullies, people who live feeling helpless and hopeless do suffer these long-term consequences.

Mentally and emotionally, being a victim decreases confidence and self-esteem.  Over time, becoming a victim increases self-doubt, self-bullying, depression and suicide.  Being a victim decrease chances of future success.

Physically, resisting harassment, abuse and oppression increases strength, courage and resistance to physical and psychosomatic ailments.  Over time, becoming a victim decreases immune system functioning leading to a host of physical and psychosomatic problems.

Study the lives of people who did not become victims.  Two of my current favorites are Benni Cinkle (That Girl in Pink) and Ayaan Hirsi Ali.  There are hundreds of other famous ones and thousands who are not public figures.  Notice how they live after they’ve won their freedom.

You may be a target.  Don’t become a victim.  Your future is calling to you.

The best way to stop bullying and create a bully-free life at work, in your family or at schools is to hire Dr. Ben for personalized coaching and consulting so you can:

1. Develop the strength, courage, will and determination to be and to act your best resolutely, diligently and effectively.
2. Develop a plan and master the skills necessary to create the bully-free life your spirit has always hungered for.

Since all tactics depend on the situation, call me at 1-877-8Bullies for expert coaching by phone or Skype.

One bad apple spoils a whole team

Sometimes it’s important to pay attention to that creepy feeling you have about an employee – even if you don’t know why you have it.

After her team doubled in size in a year, Anna hired Debbie as her personal assistant.

Before Debbie arrived, productivity was high and the group had a natural camaraderie.  Key elements were its flexibility and their willingness to put projects on hold and take on new ones, and to pass off partially completed projects to other team members as corporate directives required.  And group members accepted with good grace, each other’s personal quirks that didn’t interfere with work.

But after Debbie arrived, Anna noticed a change.  The symptoms were clear, but the cause wasn’t.

To read the rest of this article from the Pittsburgh Business Times, see:
One bad apple spoils a whole team

• Employees quit kidding each other.
• They stopped eating quick lunches together in the break room.  Instead, they ate alone or went for long lunches in pairs or small groups, mostly with Debbie.
• They started isolating themselves, working in silos and not wanting to pass projects along to other team members or to put projects on temporary hold when something else needed attention.
• They began resisting and criticizing Anna’s goals and corporate changes.
• No matter what Anna did, her team members were irritated and grumpy.  She simply couldn’t please them.

During the next three months, Anna carefully observed the effects of Debbie’s influence on the members of her team.

See the original article for details about what Anna saw and what she did.

Most people would advise Anna not to act just because she had a creepy feeling – but when she gets that feeling, she should investigate immediately.

However, Anna goes further.  She now recognizes that she got that feeling during Debbie’s interview.  Also, in her life, she’s had that feeling with only two other people and both times the person was extremely destructive.  Also, Anna recognizes the difference between that creepy feeling and how she feels when she simply doesn’t like or is scared of someone.

She’s decided that she’ll act immediately if she ever gets that creepy feeling about an employee, even without definitive proof.  She bears the scars of the year of damage that Debbie caused.

The best way to learn what to do to stop covert bullies and empire builders is to hire Dr. Ben for personalized coaching and organizational consulting.

Design and implement an effective plan that eliminates the high cost of low attitudes.  To get the help you need, call Ben at 1-877-828-5543.

Teen suicide, murder contagious

In case you didn’t know, teen suicide is contagious.  That is; when one teenager commits suicide at a school, the chances of other teenagers also committing suicide goes up dramatically.

The same goes for teenage murders.  Although the contagion is worse closest to the initial event (contagion spreads from an infected center), the national publicity for each episode stimulates other kids to proceed down that horrible path.

Also, when schools and communities come together with effective anti-bullying, harassment, abuse or suicide efforts, the beneficial effects are also contagious.  The immunizing effects of antibiotics spread from a strong source.

We’ve known that.  And there are studies to reinforce these observations.  For example, see the Christian Science Monitor Weekly article, “Teen suicide: Prevention is contagious, too.”

It’s not just teenagers
In addition, the same contagion and immunization effect are seem among adults at work, in families and in personal life.  Where harassment, bullying and abuse are tolerated, condoned or enabled, the behavior quickly spread.  Rarely is bullying an isolated event.

Similarly, when one person stands up strongly, other follow that example.  Witnesses witness; they don’t become bystanders.

The best way to stop bullying or suicide at work, in your family or at schools is to hire Dr. Ben for personalized coaching and consulting so you can:

1. Develop the strength, courage, will and determination to be and to act your best resolutely, diligently and effectively.
2. Develop a plan and master the skills necessary to create the bully-free life your spirit has always hungered for.

Since all tactics depend on the situation, call me at 1-877-8Bullies for expert coaching by phone or Skype.

Growth and Success Can Create Problems

We like to think that success will cure all our problems.  But rapid growth can create the same shock waves generated by rapid downsizing or mergers - with the same insecurity, anxiety, stress, fear and pain for individuals, and the same consequences for organizations.

To read the rest of this article from the Denver Business Journal, see:
Growth and Success Can Create Problems

Even though the change is billed as success, we typically respond with our worst, habitual and off-the-cuff strategies.

Fatigue, anxiety, fear and resistance drive most behavior.  Plans are disrupted.  Productivity, creativity, response time and morale nose dive.  Staff does not detect or capitalize on opportunities.  People problems and sick leave skyrocket.

Do some of these emotions and behaviors sound like your workplace?

• Shock, depression.  People are too numb and frozen to be productive.
• Confusion, hesitation, insecurity, vacillation, anxiety, fear, panic.  Loss of structure and control leads to turf wars.
• Anger, emotional volatility, blaming.
• All-or-none thinking.
• New employees either are unwelcome or are lured into taking sides.
• Old contacts either are neglected or clung to for security.

Recognize the symptoms and treat the disease in its early stages.  You don’t have to be a therapist or even a people person to take simple steps to avoid critical mistakes.

You need two plans to deal with the upheavals.  Plan one is to develop and present direction, define goals, and specify organizational structure.  Plan two is to develop the human support needed to face the oncoming changes.

If you’re not knowledgeable, get help.  If you are knowledgeable, ask a wise outsider to review your ideas.  The results of your efforts can indeed be measured.  The attention and care you give your people will determine if your plan will remain just paper or be translated into effective actions.

The best way to capitalize on your success is to hire Dr. Ben for personalized coaching and organizational consulting.

Design and implement an effective plan that eliminates the high cost of low attitudes.  To get the help you need, call Ben at 1-877-828-5543.

Miami Dolphins: What’s the cure?

Richie Incognito harassed, bullied and abused Jonathan Martin inside and outside the Miami Dolphins’ locker room.  Incognito threatened to kill Martin’s mother and sister and even Martin himself.  He repeatedly called and texted Martin terrible names and insults.

Why didn’t other players protect Martin?  What’s the cure?

Why didn’t other people in the locker room stand up to a bully?
There are many excuses.  Typically, people who “pile on” enjoy the power, want to be part of the pack or fear the bullies.  In every company, family and school, there are people who are scary.  Richie Incognito threatened Jonathan Martin’s mother and sister.  He threatened Mr. Martin’s life.  He can pretend he was kidding, but the threat is always there.

Some people looked the other way.  They were content to be bystanders, spectators.  They had no sense of outrage at what Incognito said or did.  Incognito is scary and seemed to have power.

Character and courage are required to stand up to bullies.  Dolphins’ coaches and management did nothing to stop Richie Incognito.  They may even have encouraged him.  Like a do-nothing principal faced with a student’s suicide, they now realize that by doing nothing to stop him, they gave Incognito power.

What’s the cure?
The league will investigate.  Punishments will be handed down.  The union will fight the severity of the punishments.  New rules will be written into the collective bargaining agreement.  Civil suits will be filed.  Education will encourage witnesses to step up instead of choosing to become bystanders.   Programs will be launched convert bullies into civilized humans.

In companies, families and schools, bullies use slightly different tactics to terrorize their targets, but the common patterns are clear.

Across the board, the treatment is the same as we would use to cure an infected splinter.  You cut it open, expose the infection, clean out all the pieces of the splinter so it doesn’t fester again and you drain the pus.  Only then can you heal the wound.  It’s the same for a cancer.

Bullies have no place in NFL locker rooms, companies, families or schools.  You stop the behavior as soon as it appears; even in the peewee leagues, even if that means you might lose more games.  You don’t give your locker room leadership to predators.  

The best way to stop bullying at work, in your family or at schools is to hire Dr. Ben for personalized coaching and consulting so you can:

1. Develop the strength, courage, will and determination to be and to act your best resolutely, diligently and effectively.
2. Develop a plan and master the skills necessary to create the bully-free life your spirit has always hungered for.

Since all tactics depend on the situation, call me at 1-877-8Bullies for expert coaching by phone or Skype.

Adaptable Teams and Individuals Survive Change

Leopards have spots, dinosaurs had size.  Each developed a particular competency to succeed in a fixed environment.  But when the environment changes, the most rigid species become the most vulnerable to extinction.  Clever chameleons and adaptable amphibians are flexible enough to succeed – they are better able to survive the tides of change.

Humans need to be adaptable and our team structures must be versatile in order to meet the demands of our rapidly changing economic environment.
 
To read the rest of this article from the Denver Business Journal, see:
Adaptable Teams and Individuals Survive Change

Teams with more bodies, or with fixed hierarchies and rigid roles can be appropriate for some tasks.  A regimented sequence of robotic skills succeeds on assembly lines.  However, the fads of “core competencies” and “outsourcing” can lead organizations to become too ossified in a niche that will be gone tomorrow.

Companies require versatility on three important levels:

1. Individuals must act competently in varying roles and relationships in different teams designed to handle different tasks.
2. Individual teams must be capable of adopting new strategies when demands change.
3. Teams must alter patterns of interactions between them in order to meet changing needs.

When do problems arise?
When the organization fails to provide the necessary structure and resources, or new staff aren’t sufficiently trained in the company’s style of team processes.  Also, when someone:

1. Tries to do it all him/herself.
2. Puts self-interest above team goals and processes.
3. Plays “intrigue”, “sabotage” or “politics.”
4. Responds ineffectively to pressure, change, fear or anger.

Clever chameleons, adaptable amphibians and appropriately flexible individuals in versatile teams are able survive where dinosaurs couldn’t.

The best way to create adaptable and successful teams is to hire Dr. Ben for personalized coaching and organizational consulting.

Design and implement an effective plan that eliminates the high cost of low attitudes.  To get the help you need, call Ben at 1-877-828-5543.

Miami Dolphins: Do Richie Incognito's excuses excuse him?

Richie Incognito harassed, bullied and abused Jonathan Martin inside and outside the Miami Dolphins’ locker room.  Incognito threatened to kill Martin’s mother and sister and even Martin himself.  He repeatedly called and texted Martin terrible names and insults.

But Incognito has his excuses.  Should those excuses excuse his behavior?

Should Richie Incognito be excused because he didn’t know how hurt Jonathan Martin was or because he thought he was Mr. Martin’s best friend?
“No.”  Incognito uses the typical excuses and justifications that perpetrators always use:  It wasn’t so bad, he didn’t know, it’s the victim’s fault, he had good reasons, he’s a special case in a special situation, his bad childhood made him do it.  Nonsense.  Incognito is an adult. He could have learned from all the other incidents on his rap sheet.  But he’s a predator and predators don’t change.

Richie Incognito talks as if he still thinks he’s Jonathan Martin’s friend and it’s all a misunderstanding.  Like typical relentless bullies, he minimizes what he’s done.  He says he didn’t know.  Incognito has been kicked off teams and out of colleges for behaving this way.  He knows what he’s doing but he’s gotten away with it.  Some team has always picked him up so there have been no consequences that have changed him.

He’s assaulted many people including a young woman volunteer at a charity golf event.  But his victims have always been bought off.

The master of slaves may say his slaves are happy, but we know better and he’s supposed to also.  If Richie Incognito is your big brother, as he claims; get another big brother.

Should Richie Incognito be excused if he was ordered to “toughen up” Jonathan Martin?

After World War II, we rejected the typical bully’s defense of “I was only following orders.”  Some orders, you don’t follow.  Of course, if such an order was given, Dolphins coaches and management bear one hundred percent of the responsibility for giving the fox the keys to hen house.  Just as the fox bears one hundred percent of the responsibility for being a predator.

In companies, families and schools, I see bullies using the same excuses.  Strong leaders learn to ignore these rationalizations and keep their territories bully-free.

Bullies have no place in NFL locker rooms, companies, families or schools.

The best way to stop bullying at work, in your family or at schools is to hire Dr. Ben for personalized coaching and consulting so you can:

1. Develop the strength, courage, will and determination to be and to act your best resolutely, diligently and effectively.
2. Develop a plan and master the skills necessary to create the bully-free life your spirit has always hungered for.

Since all tactics depend on the situation, call me at 1-877-8Bullies for expert coaching by phone or Skype.

Beat the Rat Race: Multi-Task, Don't Hyper-Work

Multi-tasking is necessary if we are to accomplish all we want, but when multi-tasking turns into hyper-work, all benefits are lost.  The key to multi-tasking is concentrating attention on each task in its turn.  That way we can make progress on more than five jobs each day even though we can’t focus on five things at the same time.

What’s hyper-work? Remember the white rabbit from “Alice in Wonderland” - rushing frantically from place to place, always late, always distracted, too busy to stop, listen and think.  He expends lots of effort in going nowhere, producing nothing.  Sweat doesn’t count, only results.

To read the rest of this article from the Denver Business Journal, see:
Beat the Rat Race - Multi-Task, Don't Hyper-Work

Some keys to successful multi-tasking, instead of hyper-working:

• Prioritize, manage your time.  Don’t get desperate, don’t panic.  Take a careful look at what you really have to do.
• Focus, concentrate, pay full attention to one thing at a time.  Set aside blocks of time when you allow no calls, no disturbances.
• Be specific about the steps you need to complete tasks.
• Get a worthwhile life.  Hyper-work is rampant in personal life also.

White rabbits cover a lot of ground but their work has no quality and their personal life has no value.

The best way to become more successful at work and at home, and to help your staff become more productive is to hire Dr. Ben for personalized coaching and organizational consulting.

Design and implement an effective plan that eliminates the high cost of low attitudes.  To get the help you need, call Ben at 1-877-828-5543.

Miami Dolphins: Why didn’t Jonathan Martin Fight Back?

Richie Incognito harassed, bullied and abused Jonathan Martin inside and outside the Miami Dolphins’ locker room.  Incognito threatened to kill Martin’s mother and sister and even Martin himself.  He repeatedly called and texted Martin terrible names and insults.  Why didn’t Martin stop him?

1. Martin was scared.  He was afraid that if he resisted, Incognito’s bullying would get worse.  Incognito might carry out his threats.  You never know.  Incognito is scary.
2. Martin didn’t know how to stop a person who pretended that his abuse was only kidding.  Bullies often take advantage of your politeness.  And they put down any resistance with phrases like, “You’re just too sensitive.  I’m only kidding (or joking).  I was only having a little fun.”  Then you feel foolish and embarrassed for “over-reacting.”
3. Martin tried to make friends.  Like most people, Martin had been taught that if you ignore bullies, they’ll stop.  Or, if you’re nice to bullies, you can make friends with them and then they’ll stop.  These beliefs are wrong.  Neither of those approaches stop relentless bullies.  If Martin had been raised in a war zone he would have known better.  Relentless bullies think that you ignore them or you’re being kind because you’re weak and easy prey.  It’s like limping or being isolated when you’re being observed by predators like hyenas.  Predators go after those who can’t or won’t resist.
4. Martin didn’t know what to do when the peaceful, kindly approach didn’t stop the bullying.  People who are inexperienced in the ways of mean streets don’t know what to do next.  They’ve never been trained to push back verbally, to get help or to push back physically.

Jonathan Martin’s behavior is typical of most people when facing a relentless bully – especially one who pretends he’s being friendly and that he’s not doing anything wrong; that it’s just his way of relating to people.  Martin saw that no one stood up and defended him.

Does Mr. Martin’s lack of skill in defending himself excuse Incognito’s bullying?  No!  Richie Incognito is responsible for his behavior.  Bullies are one hundred percent at fault.

Bullies have no place in NFL locker rooms, companies, families or schools.

The best way to stop bullying at work, in your family or at schools is to hire Dr. Ben for personalized coaching and consulting so you can:

1. Develop the strength, courage, will and determination to be and to act your best resolutely, diligently and effectively.
2. Develop a plan and master the skills necessary to create the bully-free life your spirit has always hungered for.

Since all tactics depend on the situation, call me at 1-877-8Bullies for expert coaching by phone or Skype.

Seven Ways to Keep Quality Employees

CEOs uniformly report that lack of skilled workers is the major barrier to growth.  The question for management is what rewards will keep productive employees.  Major complaints of staff are increasing demands coupled to decreasing compensation.

Cut costs in other areas before squeezing valuable employees.

To read the rest of this article from the Wichita Business Journal, see:
Seven Ways to Keep Quality Employees

Seven guidelines to keeping quality employees:

1. Don’t pay attention to the generic bad-mouthing of Generation X employees.
2. Don’t be cheap or loot your company at employees’ expense.
3. Be clear about goals.
4. Create a culture of incentive and reward.
5. Money is an effective reward when tightly coupled to performance.
6. Money is only one reward.
7. Reward people who “lubricate” everyone’s efforts.

Keep weeding out the negative, bullying abusers.

It’s not the economy’s fault if you can’t treat people decently while being competitive - you’re just not being creative enough.

The best way to stop harassment, negativity and bullying, and to retain your highest quality employees is to hire Dr. Ben for personalized coaching and organizational consulting.

Design and implement an effective plan that eliminates the high cost of low attitudes.  To get the help you need, call Ben at 1-877-828-5543.

Is bullying in the Miami Dolphins’ locker room a special case?

The Miami Dolphins’ locker room is being exposed for the hotbed of harassment, bullying and abuse that it was allowed to become.  I’ll be writing about different aspects of the situation during the next week.

Today, the two questions asked most.  Is an NFL locker room a different environment than other places – at work, at home, at school?  Is this sort of bullying new?  The answer is, unequivocally, “No!”

1. Is an NFL locker room unique and different from any other business, family or school?

One approach to answering this question would be to examine the locker rooms of every other team in the league or to ask if the winners of the last 20 Super Bowls had locker rooms in which this behavior was tolerated.  The answer given by players and coaches has been unequivocally, “No!  The bullying in the locker room was despicable.”  Great coaches don’t even tolerate hazing as a way of creating the bonds necessary to play together well in a game.

Another approach is to examine the behavior that I see in the rest of the world.  Although the violence on an NFL field is different from most workplaces, the techniques used by a bully in the locker room and the lack of defensive skills on the part of his target are no different from those in any company I consult for, any family I coach or any school situation I work with.

The idea that 300 pound guys in a violent business will automatically behave that way or even need to behave that way in order to get their jobs done is nonsense.

The key factor in the Miami Dolphins organization, like in many businesses, families and schools, is that the bully’s behavior was tolerated or even encouraged.  They allowed or enabled the locker room to become a hostile workplace.

1.  
2. Is this bullying and predatory behavior new?

Again, the answer is, unequivocally, “No.”  From around the world, in every culture, the earliest oral and written epics revolve around bullying, terror and predators.  Bullying and abuse are nothing new in human behavior.  Many humans behave that way.  We have to be taught to behave better.

Bullying as a tactic to getting on in life is nothing new for Richie Incognito.  Incognito has a long rap sheet going back at least to his college days, when he was thrown out of some schools for his behavior.  Like typical bullies, Incognito continues to bully people because he’s never been stopped with any consequences that matter to him.  He’s been able to bounce around through college and the NFL, earning his millions, and thinking he doesn’t have to stop.

In addition, when a light was shined on his behavior towards Jonathan Martin, Richie Incognito presented the typical excuses, justifications and rationalizations that bullies and predators use – that’s his personality, he was just kidding, he didn’t know that Martin minded, Martin is being too sensitive.

Jonathan Martin was not bullied because he was different.  Relentless predators like Richie Incognito attack their prey because they are predators.  Then they find excuses to justify their bullying.  Also, they pretend ignorance of the pain and damage they cause.  Typically, predators pursue prey who don’t or can’t defend themselves.

With bullying and terrorizing like this, there is no fine line.  There is a Grand Canyon.  The only fine line is on one side of the canyon, at the edge of a cliff about some hazing or some of the expenses asked of rookies in some locker rooms.  But the vicious, despicable language, the threats against Martin’s mother, his sister and himself, the terror struck into Mr. Martin’s heart and the actions against Martin by Richie Incognito are far across that canyon.

Bullies have no place in NFL locker rooms, companies, families or schools.

The best way to stop bullying at work, in your family or at schools is to hire Dr. Ben for personalized coaching and consulting so you can:

1. Develop the strength, courage, will and determination to be and to act your best resolutely, diligently and effectively.
2. Develop a plan and master the skills necessary to create the bully-free life your spirit has always hungered for.

Since all tactics depend on the situation, call me at 1-877-8Bullies for expert coaching by phone or Skype.

Stop workplace bullying - Checklist

I’ve created a checklist so you can see if your workplace is a hive of low attitudes and bullying – especially by subtle, sneaky, manipulative bullies who fly below the radar.  You’ll learn to recognize tyrannical bosses, covert bullies and “professional victims,” who use their hurt feelings and righteous indignation to gain power and control.
 
See the checklist – How to know if you’re being bullied in sneaky ways at work.

The form is easy to fill out and send to me with a click of a button.  I’ll call you back with your free diagnosis and treatment plan.  Or you can print the form and call me directly at 877-8BULIES (877-828-5543).
 
The best way to stop harassment, negativity and bullying, and to retain your highest quality employees is to hire Dr. Ben for personalized coaching and organizational consulting.

Post #8 – BulliesBeGoneBlog Stop Bullies book reviewed in Denver Business Journal

Design and implement an effective plan that eliminates the high cost of low attitudes.  To get the help you need, call Ben at 1-877-828-5543.

Stop school cyberbullying - Checklist

I’ve created a checklist so you can see if your kids are being cyberbullied at school – especially by subtle, sneaky, manipulative bullies who fly below the radar.
 
See the checklist – How to know if your kid is being cyberbullied at school.

The form is easy to fill out and send to me with a click of a button.  I’ll call you back with your free diagnosis and treatment plan.  Or you can print the form and call me directly at 877-8BULIES (877-828-5543).
 
The best way to stop cyberbullying or physical and emotional bullying in schools is to hire Dr. Ben for personalized coaching so you can:

1. Develop the strength, courage, will and determination to be and to act your best resolutely, diligently and effectively.
   
2. Develop a plan and master the skills necessary to create the bully-free life your spirit has always hungered for.

Since all tactics depend on the situation, call me at 1-877-8Bullies for expert coaching by phone or Skype.

MSNBC, Craig Melvin Interview - Stop workplace bullying

Jim Fassel, former coach of the New York Giants, and I were interviewed on MSNBC, by Craig Melvin.  The subject was bullying, harassment and terrorism in the Miami Dolphins' locker room by Richie Incognito on Jonathan Martin.  The link is:
http://www.msnbc.com/craig-melvin/watch/inside-the-locker-room-62617667805

I’ll write more on it next week but here’s a short explanation about why Mr. Martin’s attempts to befriend Richie Incognito didn’t work: Not everyone you befriend will return the compliment.  In fact, some people will take your open hand as an invitation to feast on whatever you have.

The best way to stop harassment, bullying and abuse is to hire Dr. Ben for personalized coaching and organizational consulting.

Design and implement an effective plan that eliminates the high cost of low attitudes.  To get the help you need, call Ben at 1-877-828-5543.

Stop workplace bullying - Low Attitudes Checklist

I’ve created a checklist so you can see if your workplace is a hive of low attitudes and bullying – especially by subtle, sneaky, manipulative bullies who fly below the radar.  You’ll learn to recognize the high cost of low attitudes.
 
See the checklist – How to know if low attitudes are costing too much at work.

The form is easy to fill out and send to me with a click of a button.  I’ll call you back with your free diagnosis and treatment plan.  Or you can print the form and call me directly at 877-8BULIES (877-828-5543).
 
The best way to stop harassment, negativity and bullying, and to retain your highest quality employees is to hire Dr. Ben for personalized coaching and organizational consulting.

Design and implement an effective plan that eliminates the high cost of low attitudes.  To get the help you need, call Ben at 1-877-828-5543.

Stop school bullying - Checklist

I’ve created a checklist so you can see if your kids are being bullied in school – especially by subtle, sneaky, manipulative bullies who fly below the radar.
 
See the checklist – How to know if your kid is being bullied at school.

The form is easy to fill out and send to me with a click of a button.  I’ll call you back with your free diagnosis and treatment plan.  Or you can print the form and call me directly at 877-8BULIES (877-828-5543).
 
The best way to stop bullying in schools is to hire Dr. Ben for personalized coaching so you can:

1. Develop the strength, courage, will and determination to be and to act your best resolutely, diligently and effectively.
   
2. Develop a plan and master the skills necessary to create the bully-free life your spirit has always hungered for.

Since all tactics depend on the situation, call me at 1-877-8Bullies for expert coaching by phone or Skype.

Stop Bullies Everywhere - Wall Street Journal

I’ve been quoted as an expert in an Associated Press article by Beth Harpaz, which has been picked up in the Wall Street Journal and many other publications, “Bullies: They’re not just in middle school.”

Some of the questions and my responses are:

• Is the term “bullying” over-used by people who haven’t really been bullied?  “There are people who use the term bullying "to get what they want. They use it as professional victims to gain power and control," says Ben Leichtling, founder of BulliesBeGone.”
  
• Did the coach of the Texas high school team that won 91-0 encourage bullying?  “Leichtling's reaction to the Texas football game?  "The coach of the good team did what he could" to mitigate the humiliation of the other guys. "If the behavior of the winning team was cruel, nasty, rubbing it in, I would call that bullying," he said. But that's not what happened.  He noted that there are other remedies for lopsided victories in kids' sports: Parents might lobby for a mercy rule or rearrange leagues so weak teams don't face powerhouses.”
  
• Is there bullying outside of junior high school?
  
• “Leichtling, founder of BulliesBeGone, says "bullying is not only about kids. It happens all the time, in every culture, with people at every age, in every situation, and always has."
  
• “When he coaches adults coping with bullies on the job or in bad marriages, he offers the same advice used to curb bullying in schools.  “You have to say, this behavior is not allowed," Leichtling said. "And you may have to get in the bully's face."
  
• For years before he became a psychotherapist, Leichtling had a career running research labs. He says it was good training for the anti-bullying work he does now.  "Boy, I saw bullying in science," he said. "It's not an ivory tower. Academia is vicious!"

The best way to stop bullying in all situations is to hire Dr. Ben for personalized coaching so you can:

1. Develop the strength, courage, will and determination to be and to act your best resolutely, diligently and effectively.
   
2. Develop a plan and master the skills necessary to create the bully-free life your spirit has always hungered for.

Since all tactics depend on the situation, call me at 1-877-8Bullies for expert coaching by phone or Skype.

Stop bullying husbands and wives - Checklist

I’ve created checklists so you can see if you’re being bullied – especially by subtle, sneaky, manipulative bullies who fly below the radar.  In this case, by toxic, abusive husbands or wives.
 
See the checklist – Are you bullied in your personal life?
http://bulliesbegone.com/checklist-how-to-know-if-youre-being-bullied-at-home/
 
The form is easy to fill out and send to me with a click of a button.  I’ll call you back with your free diagnosis and treatment plan.  Or you can print the form and call me directly at 877-8BULIES (877-828-5543).
 
The best way to stop toxic, bullying spouses is to hire Dr. Ben for personalized coaching so you can:
1. Develop the strength, courage, will and determination to be and to act your best resolutely, diligently and effectively.
2. Develop a plan and master the skills necessary to create the bully-free life your spirit has always hungered for.

Since all tactics depend on the situation, call me at 1-877-8Bullies for expert coaching by phone or Skype.

Stop Cyber Bullies: Vague Cyber bullying Laws Aren't Effective

According to an editorial in the New York Times, “Vague Cyberbullying Law,” “Lori Drew acted grotesquely if, as prosecutors charged, she went online and bullied her daughter’s classmate, a 13-year-old girl who ended up committing suicide.  A federal court was right, however, to throw out her misdemeanor convictions recently.  The crimes she was found guilty of, essentially violating the MySpace Web site’s rules, are too vague to be constitutional.” Whether or not we’d agree with the constitutional interpretation of the US District Court judge, I think the ruling illustrates clearly why we need clear, specific laws to stop cyber bullies.

Freedom of speech is not the issue.  We abridge freedom of speech in many ways because, in some situations, there are values more important than freedom of speech.  That’s why we prohibit yelling “fire” in crowded public places and why we have laws against libel and slander.  Difficulties in enforcing some laws like libel and slander are no reason not to have such laws.  We recognize that such difficulties mean that there are a lot of gray areas in human behavior in these areas.  Therefore, we expect human judgment to be required in these difficult areas.  But if we didn’t have laws, we’d never be able to respond to cases that are clear.

Angry, vindictive and relentless bullies will continue to abuse their targets by whatever means they can.  If we avoid the difficulties in trying to stop cyber bullying, if we say that we can’t distinguish between lying about our age, weight or physical appearance online, and plotting to cause emotional distress or persecuting someone or spreading malicious, false gossip and rumors online, we only encourage cyber bullying – especially if it can be done anonymously.

Therefore, we need laws that are as specific and clear as we can write them, as well as human judgment in enforcing them.  I’d rather have the option to effectively prosecute people like Lori Drew than to be unable to because there are no clear and specific laws.

Because internet use is nationwide, we need the laws to be Federal laws.

On the other side of the equation, we hope we’ll be able to raise our children to be more sturdy than Megan Meier was.  We hope we’ll recognize the signs that our children are targets of cyber bullies.  But we’ll never succeed in raising all our children to be mentally and emotionally strong enough to resist all pressures and stress.  Not all children will develop the self-esteem and self-confidence to thrive in the real world.  Negative input and negative self-talk will always be a problem.  But in many cases, strong Federal laws will help protect people, especially teenagers.  Cyber safety for as many people as possible takes precedence over freedom of speech.

The best way to stop cyberbullying is to hire Dr. Ben for personalized coaching so you can:

1. Develop the strength, courage, will and determination to be and to act your best resolutely, diligently and effectively.
2. Develop a plan and master the skills necessary to create the bully-free life your spirit has always hungered for.

Since all tactics depend on the situation, call me at 1-877-8Bullies for expert coaching by phone or Skype.