Joan’s son had become a toxic adult child.
He’d corner Joan, physically or on the phone, and tell her how she’d ruined his life, his failures were her fault, she was a horrible mother, he’d never let her see her beloved grandchildren and she owed him all the money and love he wanted.
But in public he’d smile and be polite and sweet. He’d certainly never do that in front of Joan’s long-time, second husband, who wouldn’t let that continue.
Joan defended herself and begged him to stop, but he only did for a short time when he was building up to demanding something very big. As soon as he got it, he went back to being relentlessly abusive and bullying.
Joan knew that all the other siblings knew about their one manipulative, loser brother but she could never bring herself to say anything in public. And that’s what kept Joan stuck.
Just like many other families and schools and workplaces, keeping the big, explosive secrets hidden had kept Joan and her family trapped in the same pattern, with the most hostile vicious, nasty bully in control and power.
Yes, there’s a lot on the line here. The whole family balance has hinged on her keeping silent and her connection with the grandchildren hangs in the balance.
Joan was too polite to say anything about her son. She didn’t think she’d done anything particularly wrong when he was growing up but she did feel a tinge of guilt. After all, since he felt so hurt, she must have been a failure as a mother. Even worse, she hadn’t even noticed how bad she was. Maybe her mistake, she thought, was that she’d given that son everything when he was growing up.
When Joan freed herself from her limitations about polite behavior and finally exposed her son’s behavior to the whole family, she was right; everything did change. But it was for the good. She stopped her abusive son in his tracks and she also kept contact with her grandchildren.
The best way to free yourself from your old rules and beliefs, and to stop bullying is to hire Dr. Ben for personalized coaching and counseling so you can:
- Develop the strength, courage, will and determination to be and to act your best resolutely, diligently and effectively.
- Develop a plan and master the skills necessary to create the bully-free life your spirit has always hungered for.
Since all tactics depend on the situation, call me at 1-877-8Bullies for expert coaching by phone or Skype.