Joe had always been a good boy. He did what his parents wanted and he’d always hoped they would love him, accept him, compliment him and approve of him. But they never had.
Their criticism was negative, nasty, personal, vicious and unending. They were bullying and abusive. No matter what he did, it was never right, never good enough. They seemed to change the standards of the game every minute so he always lost.
Even after he had a good career, made good money, had married and had three wonderful children, the bar always seemed to be raised on what he had to do to have any hope of a kind word.
In his forties, Joe finally realized the dilemma he was in. He’d never gotten their approval and they had polluted his life with their toxicity. They simply wanted a slave to serve them. He’d never be happy if he kept trying to win their approval. He simply had to give up trying to win their love and affection.
When Joe saw them as toxic, his guilt vanished; it wasn’t his fault.
Things didn’t change until Joe and his family moved away and he stopped contacting his parents. He started enjoying his family and his life. They were too busy to visit his parents on holidays or during the summer. When his parents tried to make him feel ashamed and guilty, he told them he wouldn’t listed and he hung up.
He maintained his distance for a long time, even though his parents tried many tactics to beat him into submission and then to use their need and his guilt to get him to serve them.
Notice: there’s no analysis about why his parents acted the way they did. That doesn’t matter. When Joe focused only on their behavior, their reasons, excuses and justifications didn’t matter anymore. If they wanted to see or talk with him, they’d have to change their behavior.
Of course, the same goes for toxic, adult children, even though there are additional difficulties.
The best way to learn how to take power in your life and to stop bullying by toxic parents is to hire Dr. Ben for personalized coaching and counseling so you can:
- Develop the strength, courage, will and determination to be and to act your best resolutely, diligently and effectively.
- Develop a plan and master the skills necessary to create the life your spirit has always hungered for.
Since all tactics depend on the situation, call me at 1-877-8Bullies for expert coaching by phone or Skype.