Does the most difficult person create melodrama, occupy everyone’s thoughts, become the focus of attention and planning, and rule your family? Has family life become a soap opera or a chapter in the life of the Kardashians?
Nancy’s toxic mother was always kind of crazy. In Nancy’s childhood, without warning, her mother would go berserk, lashing out with fists and words. Nancy’s father simply gave in and told the children to do the same. It was easier to hide while riding out the storm than to try to argue or fight.
Now that Nancy and her siblings were grown and independent, with families of their own, it was even worse. Nancy’s mother still ruled. Nancy’s children had to dress and look the way her mother wanted…or else. Holidays were planned the way she wanted…or else. Everyone had to live where she wanted and give their money to her when she wanted…or else.
Ned’s oldest daughter ruled him and the rest of his children. If they didn’t please her, an endless tirade would be unleashed, and everyone would be called in to force the offender back in line. No amount of reasoning and begging would change his daughter’s mind. Only a groveling apology and an acceptance of blame would do.
Do you walk on eggshells?
There are many signs that tell you who you’ve given control to. For example: who fights to the death over trivial things, who do we try to placate or satisfy, whose wrath do we fear, who do we think, talk about and adjust to before any holiday gathering, who do we wish would get too sick to come?
Don’t let bullies rule your thoughts and family.
Don’t give in to emotional blackmail, manipulation, abuse and narcissism. Don’t let words and feelings like “guilt” or “love” hold you hostage.
Take charge of your thoughts, energy and family.
Nancy rebelled. She proudly claimed the title of the rebellious, selfish daughter. She stopped worrying about what her mother might do. She spoke up and challenged her mother, and the family rules. In support of good behavioral rules, Nancy became the most stubborn person in the family. She split the family; three against two, two against three.
Ned started talking like The Father. He told his daughter the rules of good behavior and he started enforcing them. One Easter when his daughter went berserk and slapped one of her sisters, Ned called the police, filed a report and had her removed.
To bullies and narcissists, only actions and power count.
That’s the language they understand. They may hate it, but it’s the only way to have a hope of changing their behavior. And if they don’t change, you will still have created a wonderful space for your life by preventing them from polluting your kingdom.
The same is true for the controllers in your circle of friends or at work.
Of course, there are many complications depending on your situation. The best way to learn how to take power in your life and to be the person you want to be is to hire Dr. Ben for personalized coaching and counseling so you can:
- Develop the strength, courage, will and determination to be and to act your best resolutely, diligently and effectively.
- Develop a plan and master the skills necessary to create the life your spirit has always hungered for.
Since all tactics depend on the situation, call me at 1-877-8Bullies for expert counseling and coaching by phone or Skype.