Tina’s toxic, controlling, demanding, blackmailing, manipulative, bullying, abusive father insisted she honor and respect him by doing everything he wanted, any moment he wanted. From seemingly little things like running errands to big things like attending events he’d arranged for the whole family at the last moment to please himself. He didn’t care that Tina’s husband had to work or that Tina’s four children had events of their own.
Warning: If you’re in the opposite position:
if you’re a good, kind, loving, reasonable parent with toxic adult children – you’ll hear the same accusations thrown at you. But you do know who the problem is in your situation. You know by how you feel and by the behavior of your bullying, abusive adult children. They’ll behave like Tina’s father, with the additional weapon of withholding your grandchildren.
Back to Tina’s father.
He pitted one adult child against the other. He told them lies about each other and bestowed favoritism from one to the other. If you obeyed him, you were in the will; you were a dutiful child going to heaven. If you ever questioned what he was doing or wouldn’t jump when he wanted, you were going in the other direction and out of the will. His decisions were final and there was no disagreements, excuses or appeals.
He’d spent money on Tina when he was raising her and now she had to be obedient and submissive to show honor and respect. In addition, he blackmailed her emotionally by saying he needed her to care for him now he was getting old. He wanted only her; not the other children or any professionals. She had to make his feelings most important.
Must you honor and respect toxic parents the way they want?
No. More important is that you become independent and live your life according to your own standards. You don’t have to make their lives easy and convenient the way they want. You can care for them in your own kind, loving way.
Being truthful, honest and open are the best ways to show you respect someone else. Being their slave and giving up your own unique life to serve them bestows no honor.
Follow the dictates of your own Spirit. Anyone who tells you different, for whatever reason they give, is really trying to make you into their slave. They want to be your Lord and Master. Of course they have justifications.
Tina and her husband faced a choice.
Her father made it an all-or-none choice. Submit or be cast out. They chose freedom instead of slavery. Of course, that meant they started out less rich than he could make them, but they’d set a wonderful example for their children.
Don’t believe me. Believe your Spirit: Give your life to your Spirit.
Of course, there are many complications depending on your situation. The best way to learn how to take power in your life and to be the person you want to be is to hire Dr. Ben for personalized coaching and counseling so you can:
Develop the strength, courage, will and determination to be and to act your best resolutely, diligently and effectively.
Develop a plan and master the skills necessary to create the life your spirit has always hungered for.
Since all tactics depend on the situation, call me at 1-877-8Bullies for expert counseling and coaching by phone or Skype.