Learn to identify and label different types of bullies and the tactics they use. That will give you power. You’ll know what you’re up against. You won’t second-guess yourself. You’ll be able to align and focus your energy and action. You’ll get the help you need. Some ways many people think of bullying are:

Mental, emotional, physical bullying (including harassment and threats).
Verbal bullying, non-verbal harassment, physical violence (attacks on people, pets or things).

But I focus on 5 types of bullies and their tactics:

Overt bullies.
Covert bullies.
Cyberbullies.
“Professional Victims.”
Self-bullies.

Often there are no clear and fixed lines between these types of bullies and bullies often use different tactics. I don’t include sexual bullying as a separate category because that can be done using all the tactics.

Overt bullies act out in public. They’re easier to see and to get evidence against.

Covert bullies are sneaky, manipulative and controlling. They abuse in secret; it’s much harder to get evidence against them.

Some of the techniques overt and covert bullies use:

They get out of control and throw temper tantrums (like children). They’ll have physical or verbal explosions or give the “Loud Silent Treatment.” They get power by anger and rage.
They indulge in personal vendettas and scapegoat victims.
They make harsh judgments or remarks or put-downs. They’re experts in personal criticism and negativity.
They talk down to people. They push sensitive places in order to make other people feel bad.
Their feelings matter; yours don't. They make the rules; you don't. Their reasons make sense; yours don't. They're right; you're wrong.
They’re instigators. They pour gas on the fire, get other people to fight and they create “uproar.” They’re splinters.
They’re control-freaks and turf protectors. They’re always right and righteous.
They’re relentlessly negative, critical, naysayers who are impossible to please. They complain until they get attention.
They tease, taunt and use name calling put-downs. They use people as emotional punching bags.
They make nasty, ugly, vicious, snide jokes or cut you down, followed by “I was just kidding” or “You’re too sensitive” or “I didn’t mean anything bad” or “I was only having a little fun.”
They mock with non-verbal, disrespectful “editorial” comments like eye rolling or snorting.
They form school yard cliques to cut out their targets. They’re passive-aggressive. They manipulate, triangulate, and stimulate unhappiness and drama.
They spread rumors, gossip, innuendos and lies.
They’re great debaters who never let you win. They’re antagonistic, boundary pushers who do the minimum and undercut authority and systems.
They always blame others. Nothing is ever their fault. They have endless excuses and justifications while showing little-no improvement.

Cyberbullies are hostile and personal. They encourage or organize “mobs” to pile on.

“Professional Victims” – most people overlook this category. Professional victims act fragile and have hurt feelings in order to gain power and control. People walk on egg shells near them. They’re hypersensitive, spoiled brats who cry and blame. They’re hysterical Drama Queens-Kings. They make a big deal over things you think aren’t worth fighting about. They use shame, guilt and anger.

Self-bullies beat themselves up all the time. They feel unworthy and have low self-esteem. They wallow in self-questioning and self-doubt, and stay stuck and insecure. They’re easily manipulated by overt and, especially, by covert bullies. They’re the hardest people to help.

Please watch the following YouTube videos:

Knowledge is power. Learn to recognize all types and styles of bullying so you can protect and defend yourself and your children.

Protect your personal environment from pollution. Get bullies out of your personal space.

Since all tactics depend on the situation, expert coaching by phone or Skype helps. We can design a plan that fits you and your situation. And build your will and skill to carry it out effectively.

Do you have mutineers aboard your Ship of Business? Can you distinguish mutiny from discussion and disagreement you encourage and can you skillfully quell it? To read the rest of this article from the Washington Business Journal, see: Don’t tolerate or appease mutineers in the workplace http://washington.bizjournals.com/washington/stories/2004/10/25/smallb5.html

Mutiny is resisting, rebelling and revolting against duly constituted authority.

The way Captain Bligh dealt with resistance on the Bounty – constant flogging – isn’t a good approach. It ultimately leads to rebellion: They jump ship or put you over the side.

The opposite approach gives equally poor results: Nice managers tolerate resistance, sabotage, and poor performance while they beg, bribe and appease mutineers to buy in and produce.

For example: Sam was mystified because he couldn’t figure out how to convince his supervisee, Jack, to perform necessary and agreed-upon tasks. For more details, read the complete article.

Sam was wracked with self-doubt. Had he failed to communicate clearly; been too harsh with Jack; not been sensitive enough to Jack’s possible reasons for not wanting to train Amy?

No. It was simply that Jack was trying to make his rules, rule. Sam had encouraged mutiny to grow like a cancer in the months when he accepted Jack’s assumptions that, until he was interested in acting differently, Jack was entitled to:

Refuse to train Amy.
Act rude, disrespectful and insubordinate to Sam.
Harass, bullying and abuse Sam.

Also, Sam had had accepted 100 percent of the responsibility to help Jack change his opinion.

The interactions that developed between Sam and Jack are similar to interactions between many parents and their children – parents who try to be their children’s “friends” and who assume that the best way to raise civil, strong, productive, responsible, mature adults is not to make them do anything until reason and persuasion have gained their understanding and acceptance.

Nonsense. Parents provide encouragement, guidance and enforcement of clear boundaries of acceptable behavior – with immediate and predictable consequences for transgressions. Children allowed to be the sole judges of the efforts they can make, usually become spoiled, weak, self-indulgent and irresponsible adults.

Ditto for adults in the workplace. Sam was the duly constituted authority. His primary task was not to be sweet, understanding and therapeutic; not to win Jack’s agreement and affection; and not to wait until Jack was willing to perform. Sam’s task was to produce quality results, on time and within budget, and to hold Jack accountable for his part of that effort.

When Sam saw Jack’s resistance as mutiny, he finally told Jack that the responsibility for continued employment was Jack’s. Jack’s primary loyalty must be to their mission and the performance and deadlines required.

One problem with the approach of reasoning, tolerating, appeasing, begging and bribing forever is that children won’t believe you when you begin to apply consequences. That’s your fault. You’ve already trained them to think that if they resist persistently, eventually you’ll give in. When you finally try to suppress the mutiny they’ll either sabotage or react with shock, outrage and, sometimes, legal action,

Jack chose not to continue working in a company in which his rules no longer ruled. In his exit interview, Jack admitted he never thought Sam would face his anger and carry through. His parents had allowed him to act any way he wanted while they re-negotiated their requests. He thought Jack would also. Would your opinion of Jack change if you knew he wasn’t 22; he was 35?

If you don’t recognize and squash mutiny, it’ll grow unchecked until it sinks your ship. Ask for what you want, you’ll get what you’re willing to tolerate.

Often, individuals need coaching and organizations need consulting to help them design and implement a plan that fits the situation. To get the help you need, call Ben at 1-877-828-5543.

Identify types and tactics of bullies

Don't tolerate or appease mutineers in the workplace