Visionary leaders can't waste time on problem managers

Visionary leaders often follow a simple formula to succeed. To avoid getting swamped by details they select independent, result-driven managers, train them, clarify goals and deliverables, and get out of the way.  Then they track progress. But how do you recognize managers who create ever-widening unhappiness, friction, turf fights, turnover and missed deadlines?

To read the rest of this article from the Denver Business Journal, see: Visionary leaders can’t waste time on problem managers http://denver.bizjournals.com/denver/stories/2004/06/14/smallb4.html

Here are four common examples of such problem managers: - see the original article for details.

1. Weaklings and avoiders act as if their motto is, “If they don’t like me they’ll fight me, but if they like me they’ll work hard for me.”
2. Bullies try to succeed thinking, “The beatings will continue until productivity and morale improve.”
3. Turf protectors believe, “What’s good for me is good for everyone.”
4. Snooping Puppet Masters seem to think, “Success depends on manipulating, blackmailing or destroying the competition.”

Leaders can see these problems in missed deadlines, high absenteeism, turnover and transfer rate, in exit interviews from a particular department or in anonymous suggestions and internal dissatisfaction surveys.  They might hear about them from an executive assistant, trusted manager or brave employee.  Discerning leaders will notice turf battles at budget meetings or looks passed around the table behind one manager’s back.

What can visionary leaders do?  You have more than enough on your plate and you can’t waste time in details trying to decide which of the fighting children is right.  But if you ignore the problems, they’ll grow into disasters.

The two key steps for stimulating change are: - see the original article for details.

1. Be clear and firm: The manager must change or else.
2. Bring in a consultant/coach to evaluate and act as the turn-around agent.

These problem managers will need:

• Continued pressure to change.
• Specific, individualized plans for how to succeed with a new approach.
• Cue cards for exactly what to say and do in initial, small steps.
• Expert guidance to help them pick the best situations to begin with.
• Plans for consistency and perseverance; other people will distrust their new approach.
• Behavioral signposts to measure progress.
• Frequent review, counseling and independent checks to see that they’ve actually done what they claim.

Often, these problem managers can help themselves by telling other people that they are trying to change and will have to see success with their new approach.  Under these conditions, managers who want to continue rising in their companies can change their ways.

Often, individuals need coaching and organizations need consulting to help them design and implement a plan that fits the situation.  To get the help you need, call Ben at 1-877-828-5543.

Santa's gift to you - his leadership rules

Learn from the master. Jovial and generous S. Claus, CEO of one of the world’s longest-lasting companies, “Toys Are Still Us,” knows how to be a great leader for the long haul. Even during his busiest season, Mr. Claus took time from his hectic schedule to be interviewed.  He always wants to spread the joyous word.  And he may also be trolling for new employees.

To read the rest of this article from Business First of Louisville, see: Santa’s gift to you – his leadership rules http://louisville.bizjournals.com/louisville/stories/2006/12/11/editorial2.html

He says that if your organization has deliverables and deadlines, his leadership principles are ageless.  If you’re just pushing papers across your desk, no need to bother learning these guidelines.

Some of his leadership rules – for details see the original article.

• Have goals worth the effort you’re demanding.
• Hire inspired elves.
• Know who’s been naughty and who’s been nice.
• Know everything and everyone.
• Value performance.
• Value attitude.
• Reward both performance and attitude.
• Talk with the elves on the front lines.
• Take time to plan.

Not even Santa can satisfy everyone. But, his methods have survived the tests of time and competition, and he’s practically cornered the market.  If you don’t like his style or aren’t willing to make the effort, see if you have more success leading like Ebenezer Scrooge or the Grinch did.

Often, individuals need coaching and organizations need consulting to help them design and implement a plan that fits the situation.  To get the help you need, call Ben at 1-877-828-5543.l

Don't tolerate or appease mutineers in the workplace

Do you have mutineers aboard your Ship of Business?  Can you distinguish mutiny from discussion and disagreement you encourage and can you skillfully quell it? To read the rest of this article from the Washington Business Journal, see: Don’t tolerate or appease mutineers in the workplace http://washington.bizjournals.com/washington/stories/2004/10/25/smallb5.html

Mutiny is resisting, rebelling and revolting against duly constituted authority.

The way Captain Bligh dealt with resistance on the Bounty – constant flogging – isn’t a good approach.  It ultimately leads to rebellion: They jump ship or put you over the side.

The opposite approach gives equally poor results: Nice managers tolerate resistance, sabotage, and poor performance while they beg, bribe and appease mutineers to buy in and produce.

For example: Sam was mystified because he couldn’t figure out how to convince his supervisee, Jack, to perform necessary and agreed-upon tasks.  For more details, read the complete article.

Sam was wracked with self-doubt.  Had he failed to communicate clearly; been too harsh with Jack; not been sensitive enough to Jack’s possible reasons for not wanting to train Amy?

No.  It was simply that Jack was trying to make his rules, rule.  Sam had encouraged mutiny to grow like a cancer in the months when he accepted Jack’s assumptions that, until he was interested in acting differently, Jack was entitled to:

• Refuse to train Amy.
• Act rude, disrespectful and insubordinate to Sam.
• Harass, bullying and abuse Sam.

Also, Sam had had accepted 100 percent of the responsibility to help Jack change his opinion.

The interactions that developed between Sam and Jack are similar to interactions between many parents and their children – parents who try to be their children’s “friends” and who assume that the best way to raise civil, strong, productive, responsible, mature adults is not to make them do anything until reason and persuasion have gained their understanding and acceptance.

Nonsense.  Parents provide encouragement, guidance and enforcement of clear boundaries of acceptable behavior – with immediate and predictable consequences for transgressions.  Children allowed to be the sole judges of the efforts they can make, usually become spoiled, weak, self-indulgent and irresponsible adults.

Ditto for adults in the workplace.  Sam was the duly constituted authority.  His primary task was not to be sweet, understanding and therapeutic; not to win Jack’s agreement and affection; and not to wait until Jack was willing to perform.  Sam’s task was to produce quality results, on time and within budget, and to hold Jack accountable for his part of that effort.

When Sam saw Jack’s resistance as mutiny, he finally told Jack that the responsibility for continued employment was Jack’s.  Jack’s primary loyalty must be to their mission and the performance and deadlines required.

One problem with the approach of reasoning, tolerating, appeasing, begging and bribing forever is that children won’t believe you when you begin to apply consequences.  That’s your fault.   You’ve already trained them to think that if they resist persistently, eventually you’ll give in.   When you finally try to suppress the mutiny they’ll either sabotage or react with shock, outrage and, sometimes, legal action,

Jack chose not to continue working in a company in which his rules no longer ruled.  In his exit interview, Jack admitted he never thought Sam would face his anger and carry through.  His parents had allowed him to act any way he wanted while they re-negotiated their requests.  He thought Jack would also.  Would your opinion of Jack change if you knew he wasn’t 22; he was 35?

If you don’t recognize and squash mutiny, it’ll grow unchecked until it sinks your ship.  Ask for what you want, you’ll get what you’re willing to tolerate.

Often, individuals need coaching and organizations need consulting to help them design and implement a plan that fits the situation.  To get the help you need, call Ben at 1-877-828-5543.

How to deal with persistently negative employees

Dealing with employees who miss deadlines or whose work is below standard is relatively easy and straightforward.  Dealing with persistently negative employees who don’t make big mistakes or openly violate organizational policy is tougher for many supervisors. But it’s important that you deal swiftly and firmly because negative employees create suspicion, tension, cliques and hostility, and undermine leadership.

To read the rest of this article from the Dallas Business Journal, see: How to deal with persistently negative employees http://dallas.bizjournals.com/dallas/stories/2006/01/30/smallb3.html

Most insidious are negative employees who come to work on time each day and are good workers technically, so traditional performance evaluations will grade them adequate or even better. They use negativity for bullying to get control.

Sally’s behavior is typical – see article:

Sweet and placating supervisors excuse Sally’s behavior because each incident is too minor to make a big deal about, because “that’s just way she is,” or because they hope that if they give Sally what she wants, she’ll repay their kindness with a positive attitude and support.  But Sally is never satisfied.  She’s just a bully.

Inexperienced supervisors don’t know how to intervene effectively or are afraid that Sally will accuse them of harassment.  They feel isolated and helpless even though they’re supervisors.

But if you aren’t willing to face the difficulties and learn to act skillfully, Sally will take control of your team.  You don’t deserve to be a supervisor.

Some suggestions for dealing with a “Sally” in your organization – see article:

If Sally leaves but later wants to return, don’t allow that possibility.  If you waffle, you’ll be perceived as weak and no one will believe you in the future.

If you manage negative supervisors, you must act more swiftly because each person on your supervisory team affects more people than a frontline employee does.

10 ways to create a culture of entitlement at work

If you’re not already doing all the work or aren’t stressed out to the max, here are 10 tips to increase your load by creating a culture of entitlement among your employees. I didn’t make them up.  I’ve seen organizations using these strategies to keep employees happy.

To read the rest of this article from the Business First of Louisville, see: 10 ways to create a culture of entitlement at work http://www.bizjournals.com/louisville/stories/2008/07/21/editorial2.html

As a leader or manager, 10 ways to create a culture of entitlement at work are:

1. Take responsibility and blame for everything.
2. Let staff publicly review every decision you make.
3. Satisfy every employee desire.
4. Revise your policies and procedures to accommodate every employee’s needs.
5. Don’t have deadlines; don’t pressure staff.
6. Accept all employee behaviors including harassment, bullying and abuse.
7. Don’t ever require change; keep rehabilitating poor employees forever.
8. Undercut supervisors.
9. Require positive and supportive evaluations.
10. Treat stars the same as poor employees.

Bonus tip: Offer guaranteed employment for life as if it’s employees’ right.

Some companies attempt to provide a better work environment by being sensitive to the needs and feelings of their employees.  Of course, you pay attention to what your employees want and need.  But don’t overdo it.

Great leaders create work environments that meet the needs of their businesses and enable their employees to be productive and effective.  They set expectations and hold staff accountable for what is and isn’t acceptable performance and behavior.  Productivity takes precedence over pleasure.

It’s not always easy.  Some people won’t like your rules.  But bending or abandoning reasonable rules and expectations in an effort to satisfy the malcontents and whiners doesn’t work.  They’ll never be happy or productive. And trying to satisfy them will drive your good performers away.

In our culture, many people think companies should be designed to make them happy and fulfilled.  Effective leaders make clear that anyone who isn’t willing to follow the rules is welcome to leave.  Encourage entitled employees to work for your

Of course, slight modifications of these tips can be used to create cultures of entitled managers.

Bosses who avoid conflict create a big mess

You probably don’t want an angry, confrontational, bullying boss.  But, do you want the other extreme – a conflict-avoidant boss? I vote, “No.”  Conflict-avoidant bosses create breeding grounds for passive-aggressive employees and self-appointed tyrants.

For example, Helen’s boss is nice and sweet.  And that’s her problem.

To read the rest of this article from the Austin Business Journal, see: Bosses who avoid conflict create a big mess http://www.bizjournals.com/austin/stories/2007/07/23/smallb3.html

Larry is always thoughtful and considerate.  He tries to agree with everyone.  Although he inspects each employee’s results and asks penetrating questions, he won’t tell them what they must do.  If two of his staff disagrees, he won’t intervene and make a decision, or force them to resolve the issue.

Helen has frequent and critical deadlines, but in order to do her job she needs information supplied by Lindsay, another employee in Larry’s department.  Lindsay says she’s too busy to give Helen the necessary information within the agreed-upon timelines.

Helen asks and asks but nothing seems to work.  She tries begging, twisting Lindsay’s arm and even explaining her predicament at team meetings.  She tries every communication and management technique her friends and human resource professionals suggest.  Lindsay simply goes on her merry way and stonewalls Helen.  She’s a sneaky bully.

In public, Lindsay always agrees to do that part of her job but then simply ignores the commitment.  In private she says Helen’s not important enough.  She doesn’t like Helen and she’s going to sabotage her.  In one-to-one meetings with Larry, she undercuts Helen’s needs, communication skills and performance.

Larry says he can’t do anything.  If he tried to force Lindsay, it’d create conflict – and he doesn’t want confrontation.  Larry is so sweet and nice.

Larry avoids conflict with Lindsay but creates conflict with Helen.  He’s upset with not getting what he needs from Helen but not upset enough to break the deadlock.  He’s more afraid of Lindsay than he is of Helen.  Lindsay knows she’s secure.  She has no pressure to serve Helen and no consequences for resisting.

There are numerous variations on this theme but they all lead to the same symptoms.  Performance decreases.  Behavior sinks to the lowest level tolerated.  Narcissisism, incompetence, laziness, gossip, back-stabbing, manipulation, hostility, crankiness, meeting sabotage, negativity, relentless criticism, whining, complaining, cliques, turf control, toxic feuds, harassment, bullying and abuse thrive.  Power hungry bullies take power.

Absentee bosses – whether they’re waiting for retirement, have distracting personal concerns, are mentally tuned out or are cowards – create sanctuaries for unprofessional behavior.  When there’s a vacuum of authority, the most aggressive, ruthless and controlling people are drawn in to fill it.  It’s like the worst behavior of children coming out when their teacher leaves them alone for the day.

Conflict-avoidant bosses don’t implement decisions necessary for overall productivity because they won’t face resistant people and get them to do what’s necessary.

If you avoid facing someone who’s unhappy, you’re abdicating your responsibility as a leader.  You’ll probably live to regret the pain caused by abandoning your duty.  Your good employees certainly will regret it.

High standards protect everyone from unprofessional behavior.  You can learn to eliminate the high cost of low attitudes, behavior and performance.

All tactics are situational.  Expert coaching and consulting can help you create and implement a plan that fits you and your organization.

Get Rid of the Employee You Can't Count On

Don’t reward mediocrity.  You’d think that would be a no-brainer.  But, think again. Many larger companies and, especially, government, non-profits and public service organizations have unwritten policies protecting managers and employees who can’t be trusted to handle important, necessary tasks.  Small companies usually do a better job of avoiding this trap because they simply can’t afford to keep deadwood around.

To read the rest of this article from the East Bay Business Journal, see: Get rid of the employee you can’t count on http://www.bizjournals.com/eastbay/stories/2007/08/20/smallb5.html

I’m suggesting that you get rid of employees you can’t count on.  Or maybe I should say, get rid of employees you can count on:

• To deliver poor performance and low productivity – the mediocre, lazy slackers and bottom feeders.  For example, when critical projects are due, they often take unscheduled leave or won’t come early or stay a minute extra.  They produce sloppy, half-finished work.  They assume other people will be responsible for cleaning up their messes.  They do just enough that they’re not fired.  But they’re incompetent enough that you can’t give them projects that matter or are hard.  You’ll look bad when they fail.
• To have poor attitudes and mediocre behavior, at best.  They whine, complain, gossip, have low morale, create emotional drama, pursue personal agendas and fight over turf.  They’re negative, cranky, narcissistic, sneaky, manipulative, abusive control-freaks, meeting saboteurs and energy vampires. You’ve tried everything you can think of to please them – begging, bribery, appeasement, forgiveness, mediation – but nothing has motivated them.

Instead, reward and keep the solid workers as well as the shooting stars.  They work extra, partner to meet difficult deadlines and push to get things right.  Their personal and family time suffers because they’re dedicated but overloaded.  You’ll give them the tough projects with tight deadlines because you know they’ll do whatever it takes to succeed.  Everyone on their team and in other departments the team interacts with knows who can be counted on when the going gets tough.

In order to develop a company culture that can succeed, people who can’t be counted on can’t stay.  Be honest with yourself, and evaluate honestly and explicitly.  Be resolute.  Stop bullies; stop their bullying you.

As a manager, you must respond to the early warning signs that you don’t trust people and can’t give them assignments that count.  Find another place for them.

As a co-worker carrying someone else’s burden, make waves and polish your resume.  Don’t stay in a culture that rewards mediocrity and toxic behavior just the same as superior performance.  Barely good enough isn’t good enough for long-term company success and job security.

As a director or owner, don’t accept people who barely skate by.  Remove managers who are political animals and wimps, who’ll become just-good-enough, long-term managers and who’ll perpetuate a culture of mediocrity until the organization slowly sinks.

High standards protect everyone from unprofessional behavior.  You can learn to eliminate the high cost of low attitudes, behavior and performance.

All tactics are situational.  Expert coaching and consulting can help you create and implement a plan that fits you and your organization.

Leaders Who Ignore the Human Element Will Fail

To be a successful administrator, basic operational savvy is necessary.  But to be a successful leader, you must also master human savvy. For example, Joe worked his way up through the financial ranks and had mastered three of the major skills of internal operational savvy:

• Setting high performance standards.
• Project management.
• Financial soundness.

Joe’s teams met their goals within budget and deadlines.

But Joe was always passed over for promotions to leadership.  Why?  Basic operational savvy isn’t enough to make leaders even partially successful.

To read the rest of this article from the Memphis Business Journal, see: Leaders who ignore the human element will fail http://www.bizjournals.com/memphis/stories/2007/10/01/smallb4.html

When I explained to Joe that he was missing the human savvy I’ll describe below, he said he couldn’t change.  He had strength of character and responded successfully to the ups and downs, and the challenges of business.  But he said he was an introvert.  He could achieve high performance in operational areas but it wasn’t his personality to excel in people areas.

Joe’s response is nonsense.  He doesn’t need to become an extrovert or develop the personality of an archetypal used-car salesman.  But if he wants to advance his career, he does need to master his innate human savvy—the universal human attributes for empathy and sympathy, for knowing what makes people tick, and for transmitting and enhancing passion and dedication.

Joe’s progress was halting when he was simply memorizing lists of how-to’s.  But his learning took off when he modeled himself after the subject of one of the best leadership books, “Team of Rivals: The Political Genius of Abraham Lincoln,” by Doris Kearns Goodwin.

Joe saw himself as having a personality similar to Lincoln: a melancholy introvert who could come out of his shell to make human contact.  Lincoln’s human savvy was a crucial component of his success.  Joe resolved, “If Lincoln could do it, so can I.”  Joe drove himself to use Lincoln as his guide and to learn what Lincoln learned.

One of the important personal skills Joe learned was critical listening.  Instead of listening only to the dictionary definitions of words, he trained himself to hear “the message behind the message.”

That essential information taught him what concerns other people have and what they really want.  Joe used what he learned in order to connect with his team on an emotional level, so he could help them dedicate to their mission.

Lincoln said that the most important task of a leader, once he has finally decided on a course of action, is to educate people so they are inspired to proceed on that course.  Lincoln used insightful comparisons and memorable stories to transfuse people with his vision, dedication and perseverance.  Joe realized that appropriate stories have an emotional impact greater than the effects of logical arguments.

Like Lincoln did, Joe can now tell memorable stories of his team’s effort and progress.  His staff is now enthused to achieve team and personal goals in the face of challenges that demand their best.

Joe also sets high behavioral standards and holds his staff accountable for behavior that reflects good attitudes.  He’s stopped bullies and even had some success getting difficult messages across to abusive, toxic staff.  His best workers are happier now that he’s weeded out the slackers and bad apples.

Now his superiors say:

• “Joe seems to guess what the next steps are, even when I haven’t said them.”
• “He’s a good confidant. I can count on him to rally the rest of my leadership team and to see that his people are on top of what’s truly essential.”
• “He’s a go-getter.  He’s stopped bullying, manipulation, negativity and meeting sabotage in his new department.   He can inspire people to overcome change and adversity, as well as to keep innovating when times are good.”

Many people teach basic operational savvy as if it’s all that’s necessary for leadership success.  But good administrators aren’t necessarily good leaders.  Basic operational savvy is necessary, but it’s not enough. Leadership success is more all or none.  You can succeed only if you master human savvy.

High standards protect everyone from unprofessional behavior.  You can learn to:

• Master the human element.
• Eliminate the high cost of low attitudes, behavior and performance.

All tactics are situational.  Expert coaching and consulting can help you create and implement a plan that fits you and your organization.

Catering to a few troublesome workers can backfire

It’s natural to respond to employees going through personal crises or enjoying tumultuous events, such as marriages and births. But have you volunteered to serve as therapist to some of your most troubled employees?  If so, have you asked the rest of your staff if they like your new role?

For example, Joe spent much of each day talking with people on his large team about their personal problems.  He thought his tender ministrations could turn anyone into a stellar performer.

To read the rest of this article from the Denver Business Journal, see: Catering to a few troublesome workers can backfire http://www.bizjournals.com/denver/stories/2008/04/14/smallb3.html

Joe was proud that he was a caring, people-person; a friend.  He wasn’t an insensitive, bullying, abusive, slave driver.  He wanted his team to be a family.  He expected success as a result of his people-centered approach.

However, I saw that it was the same few unprofessional performers who always needed Joe’s support and care.  For example:

• Jane lacked emotional control and blew up if she was ever asked to meet deadlines.
• Chuck always made sarcastic, personal comments about anyone who performed well.
• Bob was a negative, hostile, controlling and defensive bully.
• Joan was a smiling, manipulative, gossiping, backbiting rumor monger.

These four had chronic problems that spread their unprofessional behavior and prevented high-performance.  They weren’t solid performers who maintained their professional demeanor and productivity despite being distracted by joyous events or suffering from personal turmoil.

Joe had created a culture of entitlement.  He had to micro-manage them for them to be even a little productive.

Most of the solid performers still on Joe’s staff were looking to leave.  They felt harassed, stressed, abused and abandoned while he was doing therapy on those four underperforming employees.  Joe’s peers thought he should be reprimanded because his department was a bottle-neck.

Joe finally saw his problem and moved to fix it.  Over time, through evaluations for both productivity and behavior, he held everyone on his team accountable.  Despite the chance Joe offered them, three of the needy people did not begin to produce better or stop infecting the rest of the team.  They continued to drag down the behavior and performance standards of the team.

Typically, when people have been given many special privileges, they sue when they stop getting catered to.

However, in this case, Joe got some gifts; one of the people needed the job and started performing, two left of their own accord because the environment had “turned hostile,” and only one had to be terminated.  That person sued because of Joe’s “harassment.” But Joe had acted and documented appropriately and was vindicated.

Joe is unusual.  Most rescuing meddlers don’t change.  They’re addicted to the meddling role.  Similarly, most passive-aggressive or conflict-avoidant managers don’t change.

Re-read your job description: It probably doesn’t ask you to victimize most of your staff by catering to the emotional and psychological needs of a few people in the workplace.

Remember what Mr. Spock, from the original Star Trek, said, “Don’t sacrifice the many for the sake of the few.”  Mr. Spock was always right.

Learn what you can do to eliminate the high cost of low attitudes, behavior and performance.

All tactics are situational.  Expert coaching and consulting can help you create and implement a plan that fits you and your organization.

Handling the marginally troublesome employee

You probably wouldn’t have many second thoughts about dismissing an employee who’s extremely unproductive or behaves outrageously. But what about an employee whose performance is mediocre, but not horrible?  Or whose behavior is bad, but not outrageous?  That can be a tougher call.  But ignoring these problems can have a huge negative impact on productivity, morale and your career as a leader.

How do you know whether to let the situation continue or when it’s time to give him a last chance to straighten out before you remove him?

To read the rest of this article from the East Bay Business Journal, see: Handling the marginally troublesome employee http://www.bizjournals.com/eastbay/stories/2008/09/01/smallb6.html

For example, Carl manages a support group whose productivity is adequate.  But the managers Carl is supposed to support complain that he’s too difficult to work with.  He always has facile excuses when he misses deadlines.  He conveniently forgets promises he made.  Worse, he feels defensive and blows up at meetings and verbally attacks other managers.  His negativity is catching and toxic to the rest of your team.

As his department head, you can see Carl’s problems and the unhappiness of your other managers.  But you can also see the benefits Carl brings. He’s technically skilled and admired by people who don’t work with him.  He’d be difficult to replace.

In essence, Carl is abusing and bullying you by doing just enough to get by.  If you don’t act you’ll create multiple problems for yourself with the rest of your staff.

Real leaders bite the bullet when they have a bad situation on their hands.  If Carl is unhappy with your oversight but won’t change his behavior, help him find a job somewhere else.  Plan ahead; start looking for a replacement when you begin to hold him accountable.

When Carl is gone, your credibility will increase and you’ll get lots of positive feedback.  Other managers will heave a great sigh of relief. There’ll be a decrease in insubordination, tension and complaining.  Sick-leave and turnover will also decrease. People will thank you and tell you more stories about how bad it really was.

The simple fact is that failing to deal appropriately with a problem employee like Carl is a formula for disaster.  If you have a Carl you don’t want to deal with, ask yourself: Are you willing to sacrifice your career to avoid confronting an employee who’s creating problems within your organization?

Learn what you can do to eliminate the high cost of mediocre and poor attitudes, behavior and performance.

All tactics are situational.  Expert coaching and consulting can help you create and implement a plan that fits you and your organization.

Don't let turf controllers undercut authority behind the scenes

We all know micro-managers who need to back off.  But just as often, I see employees who refuse to accept accountability and supervision.  They want absolute control of their turf and will resist, sabotage and badmouth any supervisor who wants to integrate them into an effective team. For example, Rita, a high-ranking professional, goes over Tom, her direct supervisor, to complain to a senior manager that Tom is micromanaging and wasting her time, so she can’t complete her tasks.  Rita also complains that Tom doesn’t inform her of meetings, springs deadlines on her without warning and talks down to her.

To read the rest of this article from the Memphis Business Journal, see: Don’t let turf controllers undercut authority behind the scenes http://www.bizjournals.com/memphis/stories/2008/09/29/smallb2.html

We found that Rita simply didn’t want any oversight.  There were records of calls and e-mails documenting timely announcements of meetings, requests for her to attend meetings, and clarity in expressing tasks and timelines that she pretended she didn’t know about.  She also hadn’t return calls so she could say later that she misunderstood assignments and timelines, had good-sounding excuses to avoid meetings where she’d have to report progress and had never brought her issues to Tom.  Instead, she had badmouthed him behind his back to other managers and employees.

She sabotaged, harassed, bullied and abused him behind his back.  She tried to form a clique to disparage and undermine him with her constant negativity.

What could Tom do?

• Realize he was in a battle with a person who was out to be her own boss by undercutting his authority.  Every attempt he’d made to accommodate Rita was met with more demands from her to be in total control of her own work.  She didn’t want to report to him or the team.  He’ll never make her happy.
• Document every request to her and every action plan developed by the team.
• Shine a light on her bullying behavior to the team and especially to the senior manager.
• Express his dissatisfaction with Rita’s performance and behavior in writing in order to counterbalance her complaints.
• Ask the senior manager not to listen to Rita in secret, but to bounce her complaints back to him or to hold meetings with both Rita and Tom together to discuss both their complaints.and-say-no/

What should the senior manager do?

Call Ben to learn what you can do to eliminate the high cost of turf controllers’ low attitudes.  All tactics are situational.  Expert coaching and consulting can help you create and implement a plan that fits you and your organization.

Beware meeting saboteurs who can derail effectiveness

Marie couldn’t run a productive meeting.  Even after leadership training to fix the problem, her teams’ meetings lost focus, ran way over their scheduled times and repeatedly became time-wasters. She couldn’t see why she had these problems.  She’d prepared ahead, the meetings had agendas, she solicited input and she always sought consensus.  So what was wrong?

The reason was clear to an outside observer.  She had saboteurs on each of her two teams and she didn’t know how to deal with them.  Their negativity was destroying morale, teamwork and productivity.

To read the rest of this article from the Philadelphia Business Journal, see: Beware meeting saboteurs who can derail effectiveness http://www.bizjournals.com/philadelphia/stories/2009/05/25/smallb3.html

Toxic, manipulative, meeting saboteurs steal everyone’s time, prevent industrious co-workers from meeting their deadlines and increase frustration and tension in the office.  They’re negative, control-freaks.  Because of these saboteurs, many coworkers dread coming to work.  Conflict-avoidant managers and coworkers create space for these bullies to flourish.

Marie agreed with my diagnoses, but didn’t know what she could do to stop the sneaky, manipulative bullying.  She didn’t want to be an autocratic, know-it-all manager and unilaterally make decisions.  So, she always scheduled additional meetings at which she hoped the teams could reach consensus and move ahead.

Also she couldn’t imagine how to change the bullies’ attitudes and abuse legally.  She had already dropped hints to both of them, but they hadn’t altered their behavior.

Neither Larry nor Harry thought of himself as a bully or a saboteur, but these terms crystallized Marie’s resolve to stop their behavior, no matter what it took.  She shifted from feeling helpless to being angry and determined.

Then we developed an effective plan that fit the culture of her company.

Learn what you can do to eliminate the high cost of their low attitudes.

All tactics are situational.  Expert coaching and consulting can help you create and implement a plan that fits you and your organization.

Stop office 'energy vampires' before they suck you dry

Inefficient technology and operational systems can suck the energy out of a company.  Bottomless-pit projects are interminable, yielding few benefits from more effort thrown at them.  They’re the subjects of fruitless, time-wasting meetings. But fixing them is child’s play compared to stopping the human “vampires” who suck the energy out of those around them at work.  Unfortunately these narcissistic, bullying energy vampires are all too common.  If you ignore them, they’ll destroy productivity and morale.

Here are a few examples to be on the watch for in your workplace:

To read the rest of this article from the Phoenix Business Journal, see: Stop office ‘energy vampires’ before they suck you dry http://www.bizjournals.com/phoenix/stories/2009/07/20/story18.html

Toxic, manipulative energy vampires steal everyone’s time, prevent industrious co-workers from meeting their deadlines and increase frustration and tension in the office.  They’re negative, control-freaks.  Because of these vampires, many coworkers dread coming to work.  Conflict-avoidant managers and coworkers create space for these bullies to flourish.

Even worse, we tend to waste even more coworker time talking about the latest incident, or we take our frustration, grumpiness and anger out on our teammates.  Also, we take our frustration home and waste precious family time venting about the energy vampires.

Interacting with them leaves coworkers feeling drained, as the vampires suck the energy out of those around them, drop by drop.

Learn what you can do to eliminate the high cost of their low attitudes.

All tactics are situational.  Expert coaching and consulting can help you create and implement a plan that fits you and your organization.

Stop Workplace Moaning, Groaning, Whining and Negativity

In this recession, lots of specific problems crop up that we moan and groan about.  But habitual whiners and complainers want us to wallow in their negativity even in the best of times.  In her article in the Financial Times, “Office moaners are something to groan about,” Emma Jacobs points out that habitual complainers can demoralize and depress any office. The skill to critically foresee potential problems and try to solve them is totally different from an endless stream of hostility, negativity and victim-talk.  Of course, good managers pay attention to comments from productive staff.

While occasional griping is a natural part of our lives, a Grump’s steady stream of bad attitudes coupled with attempts to prove that we should all feel as bad as he does, rapidly convert our sympathy into anger.

Negativity also promotes workplace divisiveness.  Moaners ostracize anyone who won’t join in and their continued focus on what’s unfair or wrong leads co-workers to focus also on what’s wrong at work instead of finding solutions or staying productive.

Although most people moan and groan for a while in response to specific situations, typically, you’ll encounter three types of habitual moaners:

1. People who routinely feel discouraged, depressed and victimized, and just want to whine endlessly about how hard life is.
2. Co-workers who batter you with their views about how bad the world or the company is.  You have to agree or you just don’t understand (“you fool”) or you’re one of the “oppressors.”
3. Bullies who use moaning to take control and power.

The last category is sometimes surprising.  How can someone so victimized, negative and wimpy be a successful bully?

Moaning, complaining stealth bullies gain power and control when:

• Well meaning people sympathize, agree and join their crusades.
• Co-workers spend hours giving them sympathy instead of working.
• Managers and co-workers start walking on egg shells around complaining bullies in order to make them feel good or from fear that their supporters will gang up on you because you hurt their feelings.

Behind this stealth bullying is the moaning bullies’ desire to control what correct behavior should be (“Those rotten people should do …) and their rules for how we should respond to what they see as major injustices.

So what can you do?

1. Don’t hang out with negative people.  Leave the break room or sweetly remove them from your cubicle or office while saying, “I have too much to do right now” and turn to do it, or “I have so many deadlines, would you do this for me” and give them a simple task.
2. Don’t debate with them.  They don’t want to change their minds.  Notice that if you win one debate, they rapidly come up with something else to moan about.  Their goal is to moan, not solve problems.
3. Individually stand on your own ground.  You might say, “You’re right but that’s not important enough to waste much time on,” or “you’re right but that’s part of life so I don’t get upset about it,” or “you’re right but that’s too big for me to do anything about at this moment so I’d rather focus on the things that lift my spirit and energy.”
4. At a workshop someone suggested what’s become my favorite.  With a straight face say, “My therapist says I can’t have any discouraging talk for seven days straight, so do you have any happy or uplifting things to tell me?”  This has worked every time.
5. On your team, make team agreements or “Behavioral Ground Rules” against moaning, groaning, negativity or gossip.  Call it like it is.  Some teams even have “No Moaning” signs at their meetings.

Of course, we sympathize and support someone who is in a painful situation and needs a pick-me-up.  But don’t throw your sympathy into a bottomless bucket.  You’re not being paid to be anyone’s therapist and your organization is probably not a therapeutic environment for employees.

Of course the same could be said about whiners, moaners and complainers at home.  They’ll drag your energy down if you let them.  As Henry Adams said, “Even the gayest of tempers succumbs at last to constant friction.”  In your personal life, give whining complainers a chance to change or vote them off your island.

Stop Bullies at Work: "Energy Vampires"

"Energy Vampires" are bullies at work.  They’ll suck your motivation and drive, and destroy morale and productivity.  But because they’re usually not recognized and labeled as bullies, they’re allowed to flourish. Rather than give a wordy description, let’s identify and label some common examples of their bullying:

Rather than give a wordy description, let’s identify and label some common examples of their bullying:

• The Know-It-All.  He’s right about everything – what the president should do to solve everything, why our sports teams lose, why kids are worse today, what’s wrong with our education, health, and legal system, why the ocean is blue.  Arguing with him is a waste of time and most people have stopped trying.  But just hearing his voice gets you too frustrated and angry to get back to work.
• The Angry Victim.  Her life stinks because everyone picks on her or “the system” is a mess and doesn’t adjust itself to her needs.  She’s indignant if you dare to disagree or if you’re not sympathetic or helpful enough.  If you don’t give her all the credit she wants, you’ll pay.  Since she goes on and on about co-workers and bosses who are jerks, you know she’ll run you down to everyone if you don’t please her.  There’s no reasoning with her; she’s too angry to see anyone else’s side of things.  So you try to be invisible or walk on eggshells.  Of course, you’re too scared to be productive or creative.
• The Blackmailer.  He won’t give you the reports or data he’s supposed to unless you listen to him babble for an hour.  You’d better listen or he’ll bad-mouth you publically as unfriendly and not-a-team-player.  He won’t send things electronically; he insists on lengthy personal contact.  By the time you’ve told four friends his latest antics, you’ve wasted half a day.
• The Mousy Victim.  She’s hurt and weepy, but tries to put on a brave face.  Everything anyone says or does hurts her feelings; she’s a genius at taking things the wrong way.  Her hyper-sensitivity has rallied everyone to come to her defense and cater to her every whim.  She creates a continual soap opera revolving around her hurt feelings.  Everyone must take their precious time and energy to salve her feelings and bring her identified persecutor into line.  The result is another day focused on melodrama instead of work.
• The Loud-Mouthed Bigot.  He frequently makes sexist, racist and other intolerant and vicious remarks about co-workers and anyone else who attracts his attention.  He’s more interested in broadcasting his opinions and winning arguments than in getting work done.  If you engage him, you’ll come away too drained and angry to get back to work.
• The Bore who’s Fascinated With Her Life.  She’s so wonderful and important that you must listen to all the excruciating details of her life – especially the very personal ones about her bodily functions or love-life.  You want to close your door and hide.  In order to appear caring, you almost feel compelled to tell her similar details of your life.  She counts on your politeness not to throw her out.  In this case you feel more slimed than drained, but you’re still too upset to get back to work.
• The Whining Slacker.  He’s lazy and won’t lift a finger to meet deadlines; he’s a no-show at crunch time.  He whines, complains and wants sympathy and help.  Everyone has to pitch in and do his job or the team looks bad.  He’s never grateful and doesn’t return the effort to help others.  Since they keep paying him for slacking, you grit your teeth and feel like slacking also.  Slacking is a communicable disease.

These energy vampires control the turf and productivity plummets.  They leave a wake of frustration and anger; co-workers and managers feel drained by every interaction, like someone took a quart of blood.  And then we go home and drain our families, either by repeating the details of what happened or by taking out our frustration and stress on our loved ones.

These vampires go from team to team, leaving a wake of corpses, but hiding their harassment and abuse behind good-sounding excuses and justifications.  It’s always someone else’s fault and everyone’s against them.

You can’t change a vampire by begging, bribery or appeasement.  The first step in stopping these workplace bullies is to recognize and label them.  You must maintain your individual boundaries, protect yourself from getting emotionally drained or enraged, and get back to work.

Energy vampires can be purged by a concerted effort of managers and their teams.  If you aren’t willing to do that difficult work, you must start looking to work in another department of your company or for a new company.  But wait; there’ll be vampires there too!

The 9 Circles of Trust

Whether you’re thinking of personal relationships or the workplace or you’re teaching your children, how can you know who to trust? Some people think that it’s morally and spiritually advanced to start by trusting everyone.  You’re somehow a bad person if you don’t trust people.  After all, you get what you put out.  Other people say that everyone is out to get whatever they can so you should start by trusting no one.

Where do you usually begin?  And do you have any horror stories of people who trusted too much or too little?  Or heart-warming stories when trusting won over a previously un-trustworthy person?

Read more and you’ll learn about the 9 circles of trust – a process for getting around the unanswerable, philosophical trust-question.

Seventeen year-old Abby doesn’t know what to do with her boyfriend or whether she should trust her step-father.  She grew up knowing men were not worthy of trust.  Her father bailed on the family when she was six, leaving her mother with Abby and three younger children.  They never heard from him, but Abby knows he took all the money.  Her mother worked hard, but it was years before they could get on their feet.  Abby saw a succession of boyfriends take advantage of her mother; bullying and abusing her, and verbally intimidating the children.  The men were selfish and self-centered; real narcissists.

Her mother finally found a great guy.  They’ve been married for eight years and Tim has been wonderful to her mother and all the children.  It’s as if his heart has adopted them even though they’re not his biological children.  He spends his money on them as if they were his real family.  He helps around the house.  He’s always there for Abby, her mother and the other kids through their emotional ups and downs.  He attends all their functions and has gotten Abby in the middle of the night when she’s needed help.  He’d even support her if she went to college.  Should Abby trust Tim or is he going to turn out just like the other men?

Abby’s 22 year-old boyfriend is demanding, abusive, intimidating and controlling.  He blows up when she doesn’t do what he wants.  He says he proves his love by being insanely jealous and insisting that she doesn’t go to college because she might meet other guys.  He doesn’t work and says he needs her support to get his life together after the terrible treatment he suffered at the hands of his parents.  He even wants her to drop out of high school now so she can get a job and they can live together.  With her help, he might be able to stop drinking and smoking dope.  Since he says he loves her and would be lost without her, how can she not trust him?

Let’s compare that with a situation at work.  Lizzie’s boss is a bullying, control freak.  He gives everyone impossible tasks and deadlines.  Since they’re never perfect, he micro-manages, yells and delivers crushing putdowns.  He’s verbally abusive, emotionally intimidating and threatening.  He’s created a hostile workplace.

But when people started complaining and leaving, he promised he’d change.  He’d be more understanding, kind and caring.  Liz had begun to look for another job, but now she wonders if she should trust him.  Notice that while this looks different from Abby, it has the same key question: should Lizzie trust her boss?

I’ll use Abby to describe how the Nine Circles of Trust method works.  Think how Liz could apply it at work or someone could teach her daughter how to apply it to the other kids at school.

With coaching, Abby sees that she’s making a problem for herself by looking at trust in the old way – should she trust someone or not.  What’s more useful is for her to develop an accurate, realistic prediction of what another person is likely to do, based on their past behavior.  The more accurate her estimations are, the more she can trust her estimates.  That’s what trust is about: trusting her accurate estimations.

Abby also makes a problem for herself when she thinks the question with her boyfriend is whether or not he loves her.  She’s better off when she decides how she’d like to be loved (what behavior would make her feel loved) and then tests whether or not her boyfriend treats her that way.  It doesn’t matter what he calls it.  What matters is whether he treats her the way she defines love.

In order to develop a repeatable process, she imagines herself at the center of a bull’s eye.  She makes nine circles of trust getting further and further out from her; like she’s at the center of a target.   She writes how someone would have to behave in order for her to allow them to move from the furthest limit to one circle closer.  Actually, she makes different lists: one for her stepfather, one for her boyfriend and one for a girl at school.  At this distance, her tests for whether she’ll allow them closer are about non-threatening, physical behavior: no hitting, throwing things or physical abuse.

Then she makes lists of how they’d have to act in order for her to let them into the next closer circle.  At this distance, it’s about polite, civil behavior; not stealing her things, lying, bad mouthing her, yelling, threats or intimidation.

Then she makes a list for admission to the next closer circle.  And so on, closer each time.  Now she’s ready to decide how, for example, her boyfriend has acted and which circle she’ll put him in.

Abby’s shocked at her estimation of him.  She puts her boyfriend into the ninth circle.  He’s a bully and she won’t allow him any closer.  Despite her previous experience with her biological father and her mother’s rotten boyfriends, she brings her stepfather right next to her.  He has proven himself during eight years, despite lots of bad behavior from her.

Some of the other important considerations when using this process are:

• Adjust the prices of admission (the tests) to each circle as you learn more.
• Ignore reasons, excuses, justifications, pleading and coercion – base your estimates on actions.
• Be open to surprises (good and bad).
• Move people further away when they act bad.
• Keep people in their previous position even if they do one thing nice – recognize established patterns.
• You may move a particular person closer or further away depending on the circumstances – for example, you might go to a party with someone, but never lend them money.

You’ll find more examples of the effective use of methods like the Nine Circles of Trust in personal and work life in “How to Stop Bullies in Their Tracks” and “Bullies Below the Radar: How to Wise Up, Stand Up and Stay Up.”

In which circle would you place the people in your life if you trusted that your estimates of what they’re likely to do?

Managers who act like therapists victimize their whole team

Good managers respond to their employees’ personal problems and the distractions of their major, joyous events, like weddings and births.  But what happens when a manager tries to be the therapist for a few underperforming and troubled employees, but fails to fix them? The managers, who go overboard and become therapists, focus their attention on a few employees who are having major internal problems.  These employees usually:

• Can’t stand the stress of meeting deadlines or reasonable performance standards.
• Are so involved in their personal problems that they can’t be counted on – or they can be counted on to drop the ball.
• Blow up and attack their co-workers – overtly or by backbiting, rumor mongering or constant negativity.
• Feel entitled to special treatment because they’re suffering

These managers think they’re sensitive and caring; not bullying, slave-driving bosses.  But actually, they’re caring only about a few of the staff, while they make the rest pick up the slack and put up with being used and abused.  Essentially, these managers are playing favorites: They managers care for a few employees while they victimize and bully the majority of their staff.  They sacrifice the many for the sake of the few.

Inevitably, turnover of solid performers increases.  I’ve seen 25 % turnover per year in these situations.  Inevitably also, these become hostile workplaces as frustration and anger increase.  New employees bail as soon as they can.  Performance also suffers as morale and teamwork plummet.

If these managers listened to evaluations by the majority of their staff, they’d get an earful.

These managers aren’t rescuers; they’re meddlers.  Most are difficult to turn around because they’re addicted to their role as meddlers.  But if they’re willing to look honestly at the mess they create, coaching and consulting can reverse the problems.  They can eliminate the high cost of their addictive meddling and the low attitudes of a few people on their staff.

I see therapist managers imost often n government offices, non-profits and public service organizations.

I see therapist managers most often in government offices, non-profits and public service organizations.

Have you seen any managers like these?

Stop the bully in the next cubicle

What do you do if the person in the next cubicle constantly gives you the silent treatment, glares, ignores your requests for information, makes belittling comments in meetings, puts you down in public, spreads false gossip about you, takes credit for what you did, accuses you falsely of making mistakes, tries to rally other people to be nasty to you and cuts you down to your manager? Even worse, what do you do if that’s your boss, and he also yells at you, makes personal and derogatory comments in front of the rest of the team, gives you unreasonable projects or deadlines so you’ll fail, evaluates you dishonestly and harshly, and is relentlessly critical?

Women, just as much as men, create hostile workplaces by verbal abuse and emotional intimidation.  They may even be more sneaky and manipulative.

What’s happened to you?  And what can you do?

In her column in the New York Times, “When the Bully Sits in the Next Cubicle,” and her blog post, “Have You Been Bullied at Work,” Tara Parker-Pope gives statistics for how prevalent these behaviors are.  Statistics are cold, but the individual pain of being treated this way is very hot.

I use the term “stealth bullies” for the subtle, sneaky, manipulative, critical, controlling workplace bullies who don’t use physical violence.  Most people at work let this behavior fly below their radar.  If we recognized and labeled these people as bullies, we’d be energized to resist.

Instead, many people take part of the blame and suffer in isolation.  They feel helpless and hopeless.

On an individual level, I think the first key to resisting is to recognize and label the actions as bullying so you’re galvanized to resist.  Then find allies and shine a light on it.  Think tactically and understand you’re in a war.  Because laws won’t help much, you’ll have to find other levers to exert pressure.

I don’t spend much time analyzing why bullies do it.  We know the major categories: personal dislikes, using brutality or someone’s back as a stepping stone, and ego stroking (“If I put you down, I’m one up).  You could probably reel off a few more.  In general, the approach of understanding doesn’t help.

I see hostile workplaces, verbal abuse and emotional intimidation not only in medical, legal and academic environments, but especially in government offices, non-profits and public service.  In those areas, people are often afraid of “confrontation” or of making “judgments” (someone is a bully).  In those areas, the typical culture thinks that the best way to stop bullying is to educate and rehabilitate bullies instead of simply stopping them first.  That’s like telling a battered wife (or husband) to endure the brutality while her husband gets therapy.

The purpose of most workplaces is not to be a therapeutic community for their workers.  Set high standards and enforce them at all levels.  But if the people at the top won’t dedicate themselves to stopping harassment and bullying, you won’t be able to stop it.  That’s like schools in which principals and teachers won’t stop bullying.

As a coach, consultant and speaker, I encourage people to fight to win.  The book, “How to Stop Bullies in Their Tracks” and the CD set, “Eliminate the High Cost of Low Attitudes,” can help but it’s crucial to design tactics for your specific needs and the situation.

But if you can’t win, don’t stay in a place where the powers are out to crush you mentally and emotionally, or where your spirit will be destroyed.