Don't let time-wasters impose on you

Are you effective at saying “no” to colleagues who waste your time?  If you answered “no,” you’re not alone. To read the rest of this article from the Dallas Business Journal, see: Don’t let time-wasters impose on you http://www.bizjournals.com/dallas/stories/2005/07/18/smallb3.html

We’ve all experienced time-wasters – people who regularly interrupt, gossip, tell bad jokes, share intimate details about their marriages or aches and pains, or go on endlessly about religion, politics or people they’re angry with.

Sometimes, they’re friendly, likeable people and we’re drawn in by their personalities and stories.  Sometimes they’re needy, malicious, annoying people who leave us feeling like we’re buried in dirty laundry, or limp, like our blood has been drained, or so frustrated we could scream.

Whether they waste our time because they’re friendly, bored, lazy, enjoy gossiping, need to tell their sad story, want to be liked or have hidden agendas, they’re oblivious to our need to get back to work.

There are two distinct steps we need to take in order to break free from time-wasters:

• Give ourselves permission to say "No."
• Then make our “no” effective.

The first step is harder than it seems for many people.  These people hold themselves captive to this bullying and abuse because they think the most important value is being nice, kind and not asking directly for what they want.  They let themselves get bullied because they’re too polite to resist.

Other feelings and reasons that typically keep people from setting boundaries effectively are: see whole article.

Time-wasters who ignore standard, indirect cues are rude.  We have to decide what’s more important; old rules about pleasing people or our need to succeed.

We’re not their therapists.  We’ve already tried to solve their problems and failed.  They’ve said, “Yes, but” to every suggestion.  We’ve also tried to like them enough so they won’t feel needy, but they’re always back the next day looking for more.

The second step to saying no effectively is to follow up with effective action.  Asking is not enough because, by definition, relentless time-wasters don’t respond to common, subtle cues.

Imagine a staircase of responses, moving up from the most indirect to more direct, firm ones.  Most people begin by giving indirect cues like ignoring time-wasters when they first come in, looking at their watches, turning away and continuing a task while they’re being talked at.

Since that hasn’t worked, we have to look and sound firmer as time-wasters force us to up the level of our response in order to get them to leave.  Start with a smile, control our side of the interaction and act as consistently as we can.  For more suggestions: see whole article.

A coaching client had been afraid that Mike would tell everyone that she was callous and hostile if she tried to stop allowing him to waste her time.  But when she used the methods we developed, people heard that she was able to get Mike out of her office.  They came to learn her methods.  Soon everyone in their corridor succeeded and Mike had to go to other floors to find listeners.

The exact words don’t matter.  The key is the power of “you” behind the words – our determination and firmness.  Don’t wait until we have a perfect response; simply remove time-wasters.  Actions speak louder than words.

How we cope with time-wasting bullies depends on whether we’re a peer, a supervisee or a supervisor.  There are no formulas, but there are guidelines.

Often, individuals need coaching and organizations need consulting to help them design and implement a plan that fits the situation.  To get the help you need, call Ben at 1-877-828-5543.

Stop School Bullying: Don't be a Victim

Most of us have been targets of harassment and bullying, but that doesn’t mean we must be the victims of bullies.  If fact, when we’re not victims, we can more effectively stop bullying and abuse. For example, imagine a child who’s subjected to teasing, taunting, harassment and bullying at school.

It could be a boy targeted by one bully or a group or gang.  The bullying could be physical or verbal – name-calling, ridiculing or demeaning.

Or consider a girl who’s targeted by the mean girls at school.  She’s abused, harassed, cut-out and cut-down because she’s not as pretty or rich, doesn’t have the newest fashions or is liked by a boy who is wanted by one of the mean girls.  All the girls pile on to attack the target, verbally, physically and by cyberbullying.

To make it worse, teachers and principals often do nothing to protect targets.  Sometimes, they don’t know what to do or they’re afraid to confront bullies and their bullying parents or they blame the target.  Sometimes, they even enable, encourage or collude with the bullying.  Sometimes the mean girls are encouraged by their parents, who are happy their daughters are in the in-crowd and couldn’t care less about the target.

Often, principals and teachers focus on changing the targets.  These irresponsible authorities seem to think that if only the targets would change and please their attackers, the nasty kids would stop targeting them.  Or they think bullying is natural selection, survival of the fittest, so anyone who can’t blend in should suffer the consequences of being different.  Or they think it’s merely kids being kids and the persecutors will eventually outgrow their youthful indiscretions.

I hope I’ve made you mad about the injustice of these situations.  These are not far-fetched situations.  I get many coaching calls from frustrated parents who have tried, without success for more than six months, to stop the bullies and make the teachers, principals and district administrators protect their children.

Victims think they’re to blame. Victims minimize, ignore, forgive, appease, beg, bribe, are nice, accept excuses and justifications, sympathize with and try to understand and use reason with relentless, real-world bullies.  Victims use the Golden Rule to stop these ignorant, insensitive predators.  Victims suffer in silence.  Eventually, victims accept the abuse and bullying.  Victims give in to fear, despair and defeat; they give up; they feel helpless and hopeless. They’re overwhelmed by anxiety, stress, negative self-talk and self-doubt.  They lose confidence and self-esteem.  Often, they suffer from depression and an increased risk of suicide.  Do-nothing principals are always involved in school bullying-caused suicides of victims.

Targets keep a fire burning inside them.  They don’t take it personally; they know they’re okay and the fault lies with the bullies, their narcissistic parents and the failures who are running their schools.  They fight and learn how to fight better.  They maintain their courage, strength, determination, endurance, perseverance and resilience; they're not defeated by defeat.  Targets seek allies who are willing to act together – not merely whine, complain and feel sorry together.

Targets may be angry at the injustice, but they’re not overwhelmed and beaten down.  Since we can’t win every battle, even if justice is on our side, targets may simply move on and create a wonderful life somewhere else.  And hope that someday, they can get their oppressors.

We can see the same distinction between targets and victims in wives or husbands who are criticized, corrected, scolded, chastised, controlled, isolated, subjected to hostility, jealousy and negativity, manipulated and blamed, shamed and guilt-tripped, and beaten by their controlling spouses.  The task of these adult targets is the same as that of the kids.  Don’t be a victim.  Don’t take it personally; learn how to resist, say, “That’s enough,” say “No.”  Get help, take your own power, fight back, get away, start poor if you have to but start again.

The same distinction applies to harassment, hostility, bullying, manipulation, toxic coworkers, abuse and even violence in the workplace.

You may be a target, but don’t be a victim.  Learn to be skillful in fighting back.  And fight to win.  That’s our best chance of stopping bullies.

For some examples, see the case studies in “How to Stop Bullies in Their Tracks” and “Parenting Bully-Proof Kids,” available fastest from this web site.

Since all tactics depend on the situation, expert coaching by phone or Skype helps.  We can design a plan that fits you and your situation.  And build your will and skill to carry it out effectively.

End frustration: Stop shouting, spanking and bullying your kids

An article by Hillary Stout in the New York Times, “For Some Parents, Shouting is the New Spanking,” focuses on the damage to children done by parents’ shouting and, therefore, the need for parents to control their tempers. Although I agree that a steady diet of shouting and bullying isn’t a good way for well-meaning, devoted parents to act, the experts in the article miss the real source of the problem and, therefore, the real solution.

Those experts point out that the proper way to be a good parent is “never spank their children,” “friend our teenagers,” “spend hours teaching our elementary-school offspring how to understand their feelings,” “reminding, nagging, timeout, counting 1-2-3” and “have a good interaction based on reason.”

I disagree with their basic assumptions about good parenting and their solution that parents should control their tempers.

Of course, repeated sarcasm, criticism, beatings and abuse are bad parenting.  I’m talking here to frustrated, well-meaning, devoted parents; not abusive bullies.

Good parenting sometimes involves spanking, has nothing to do with “friending,” is not focused on teaching children to merely understand their feelings and is not usually about good interactions based on reason.  Reason is only a small part of being an effective parent, especially when the children are young.

Children are exquisitely adept at knowing your true limitations and which buttons to push.  It’s a survival skill for them.  They know exactly how many times you’ll yell before you act.  They distinguish between yelling and threatening that won’t be followed up, and the “Mom” or “Dad” look and voice that means you will act.  And they perform a precise calculus based on how much they’ll get the next time versus a punishment and your guilt this time.  They know when they can get unreasonable and stubborn, and win.  They also know that if you blow up and yell now, they’ll win later.

Winning those battles won’t increase their self-esteem.  Pushing their parents around will make them insecure.

What leads to repeated shouting is frustration.  Those parents have so limited their allowed responses that they’re no longer effective – the kids know that they don’t have to do what the parents want and nothing serious will happen.  Those parents have taught their children to be stubborn and unreasonable in order to win.  See the case study of Paula as she stops being bullied by her daughter Stacy in "How to Stop Bullies in Their Tracks."

Those parents’ lack of creativity and effectiveness increases their frustration until they blow up and shout.  Then those parents feel guilty, apologize, give the kids more power and set in motion the next cycle of not getting listened to leading to more frustration and further shouting.

The solution is for parents to take charge and be parents – speak and act straight.  Decide – as age, stage and specific kid appropriate – what decisions you make and when the child simply must obey, and what decisions the kid gets to make and within what limits.  In your areas, it’s nice if the child understands your needs and reasons, but you’ll never convince a two or sixteen year-old by reasoning that your way is best and they should be happy not getting what they want.

Sometimes you must be firm about your sense of urgency, which is not matched by theirs.  Sometimes, your needs and wishes must be taken into account.  You’re not their slave or servant all the time.  They don’t get what they want every time.  More important than helping them understand their feelings is teaching them how to deal effectively when they’re feeling demanding or angry or frustrated or needy.

And some kids seem to want to be punished sometimes.  Really, they do.  And they feel much better afterward.  When you’ve gone through the sequence of reminding and timeout without effect, a spank is sometimes the best thing to do.

Your frustration and shouting is a message to you that you’re not being effective.  You need to do more than merely learn the latest technique; you need to change the limits you place on yourself.  That will open up other ways to making them do what you need when you’re under pressure.

Good parenting means that you can say, “Here’s the way it is.  I need to move fast and I insist that you do the same.”  Or “You don’t vote on this decision and we’ll talk about it later.”  Of course, you will talk about it later.  Or “I’m not taking you there today.  I need to unwind right now over a latte.  I love you.  Now go read and leave me alone for a while.”  Of course, most of the time we devoted parents will take them to places they want to go.

Don’t reason more than once with a five year-old who doesn’t want to brush her teeth, “You’re making a bad decision,” as those experts suggest.  Simply say, “In our family, we brush our teeth, so you will.”

It’s not, as those experts say, that “Yelling parents reflect a complete inability to express themselves in any meaningful, thoughtful, useful or constructive way.”  It’s that yelling parents aren’t allowing themselves to express the right thought, which is that “I, the parent, am drawing the line here and you will do what I want.  I have good reasons.  I hope you understand now and I know you’ll understand later.  But even if you don’t understand, you will do what I want now.”

In addition to what I learned professionally, we have six, now-grown children who taught me that well-meaning parents yell when they’re irritable, anxious, pressured, overwhelmed and frustrated because they don’t know how else to make things work for them

Stop Bullies at Work: "Energy Vampires"

"Energy Vampires" are bullies at work.  They’ll suck your motivation and drive, and destroy morale and productivity.  But because they’re usually not recognized and labeled as bullies, they’re allowed to flourish. Rather than give a wordy description, let’s identify and label some common examples of their bullying:

Rather than give a wordy description, let’s identify and label some common examples of their bullying:

• The Know-It-All.  He’s right about everything – what the president should do to solve everything, why our sports teams lose, why kids are worse today, what’s wrong with our education, health, and legal system, why the ocean is blue.  Arguing with him is a waste of time and most people have stopped trying.  But just hearing his voice gets you too frustrated and angry to get back to work.
• The Angry Victim.  Her life stinks because everyone picks on her or “the system” is a mess and doesn’t adjust itself to her needs.  She’s indignant if you dare to disagree or if you’re not sympathetic or helpful enough.  If you don’t give her all the credit she wants, you’ll pay.  Since she goes on and on about co-workers and bosses who are jerks, you know she’ll run you down to everyone if you don’t please her.  There’s no reasoning with her; she’s too angry to see anyone else’s side of things.  So you try to be invisible or walk on eggshells.  Of course, you’re too scared to be productive or creative.
• The Blackmailer.  He won’t give you the reports or data he’s supposed to unless you listen to him babble for an hour.  You’d better listen or he’ll bad-mouth you publically as unfriendly and not-a-team-player.  He won’t send things electronically; he insists on lengthy personal contact.  By the time you’ve told four friends his latest antics, you’ve wasted half a day.
• The Mousy Victim.  She’s hurt and weepy, but tries to put on a brave face.  Everything anyone says or does hurts her feelings; she’s a genius at taking things the wrong way.  Her hyper-sensitivity has rallied everyone to come to her defense and cater to her every whim.  She creates a continual soap opera revolving around her hurt feelings.  Everyone must take their precious time and energy to salve her feelings and bring her identified persecutor into line.  The result is another day focused on melodrama instead of work.
• The Loud-Mouthed Bigot.  He frequently makes sexist, racist and other intolerant and vicious remarks about co-workers and anyone else who attracts his attention.  He’s more interested in broadcasting his opinions and winning arguments than in getting work done.  If you engage him, you’ll come away too drained and angry to get back to work.
• The Bore who’s Fascinated With Her Life.  She’s so wonderful and important that you must listen to all the excruciating details of her life – especially the very personal ones about her bodily functions or love-life.  You want to close your door and hide.  In order to appear caring, you almost feel compelled to tell her similar details of your life.  She counts on your politeness not to throw her out.  In this case you feel more slimed than drained, but you’re still too upset to get back to work.
• The Whining Slacker.  He’s lazy and won’t lift a finger to meet deadlines; he’s a no-show at crunch time.  He whines, complains and wants sympathy and help.  Everyone has to pitch in and do his job or the team looks bad.  He’s never grateful and doesn’t return the effort to help others.  Since they keep paying him for slacking, you grit your teeth and feel like slacking also.  Slacking is a communicable disease.

These energy vampires control the turf and productivity plummets.  They leave a wake of frustration and anger; co-workers and managers feel drained by every interaction, like someone took a quart of blood.  And then we go home and drain our families, either by repeating the details of what happened or by taking out our frustration and stress on our loved ones.

These vampires go from team to team, leaving a wake of corpses, but hiding their harassment and abuse behind good-sounding excuses and justifications.  It’s always someone else’s fault and everyone’s against them.

You can’t change a vampire by begging, bribery or appeasement.  The first step in stopping these workplace bullies is to recognize and label them.  You must maintain your individual boundaries, protect yourself from getting emotionally drained or enraged, and get back to work.

Energy vampires can be purged by a concerted effort of managers and their teams.  If you aren’t willing to do that difficult work, you must start looking to work in another department of your company or for a new company.  But wait; there’ll be vampires there too!

Whose Job is it to Stop Bullies in Schools?

In his recent ABC news opinion column, “Want to Stop Bullies?” Lee Dye cites new studies that claim that:

1. Girls are more likely than boys to intervene to stop bullying than boys are.
2. Girls intervene more because they’re expected to by their parents, best friends and favorite teachers.
3. Popular males are more likely to pick on weaker boys, while unpopular, weaker but aggressive boys are more likely to pick on girls.

Of course.  So what?

I’m glad Mr. Dye is speaking out and I share his desire to stop bullies and harassment, bullying and abuse in schools.

The reason I’m sarcastic is that I think these studies, done by interviewing 269 middle school students in four schools in North Central Florida, are typical of the thought process and pseudo-scientific research that says that if we knew more we could design better programs to stop bullies.  And they imply that we can’t have successful anti-bullying programs until we have more research.

However, this research adds nothing we didn’t already know.  And the generalizations are contradicted by evidence from the recent suicide deaths of four girls in Schenectady, New York.

We already know that getting the kids involved in anti-bullying programs is critical.  We already know that it’s crucial to teach children what to do when they are bystanders and see bullying.  In order to incorporate that knowledge into anti-bullying programs, we don’t need to wait until there’s more pseudo-science research to prove that point.

In summary, we know that it’s everyone’s job to stop bullying in schools and everyone’s help is necessary, especially the kids.  No one group can make a program work if the other members of the local community resist or are uncaring.  The programs in New Hampshire are only the latest reports documenting what we know already.

Successful programs have the seven elements crucial to success:

1. The programs specify acceptable and unacceptable behavior
2. Children are taught specifically what to do if they’re bullied or if they’re bystanders
3. The programs involve everyone – school board members, police, principals, teachers, administrative staff and bus drivers, the kids, and at least a vocal, core group of parents.
4. Consequences are clear and effective action rapid
5. Courageous and proactive administrators, school principals and teachers
6. Kids are also trained at home not to bully and how to stop bullies
7. All steps are implemented simultaneously

Anti-bullying laws are necessary to force reluctant or uncaring district administrators and principals to act.  They’re also necessary to protect principals and teachers who do act from bullying parents who defend their little terrorists and threaten to sue the principal and school for harassing their little bully.  That’s like in the Harry Potter series where Lucius Malfoy protects his vicious son, Draco.

The biggest problem in stopping bullies is not the lack of research about bullying: It’s the lack of skillful effort being put forth by the most caring people.  At many schools, well-meaning principals and teachers need to join forces with a core group of parents to get programs in motion.  At other schools, frustrated and angry parents need to rally other parents in order to force uncaring or cowardly school district administrators and principals to make effective school policies and then take act promptly and strongly.

What can you do if the new bosses want to fire you?

I received a number of confidential responses to my blog post on “Top ten ways to create a hostile workplace.”  One theme in many responses was about the question: “What should I do if leadership has changed and the new bosses want me gone so they can bring in their own people?” That’s a situation I’ve also seen many times in my consulting.

What would you do?

Consider Jake.  The new bosses want him gone so they can bring in people they know or people who will be beholden to them.  Jake tries to prove to them that he’s a great manager, but they systematically undercut his authority.  He used to get good evaluations, but his new bosses are very critical.  They blame him for everything that goes wrong with his team.  He’s the scapegoat.

Jake is furious.  It’s unfair; they’re bullies and he’s being abused.  He’s a good worker and he’s trying hard.  He wants to meet them half way, but they don’t want to.  Nothing he does convinces them he’s a good performer.  He’s hurt, frustrated and angry.  Jake wants to fight back, but when he acts on his anger, they write him up.  It’s a hostile workplace.

I think Jake is beginning at the wrong place – how can I fight back and show them I’m good?  How can I preserve my reputation with them?  Jake can’t fight back by showing them that he’s a good manager, team leader and individual performer.  He can’t preserve his reputation with them.  They don’t care.  He’s not an individual to them.

Of course it’s hard to be treated that way.  One of the hardest things for us as Americans in our little slice of time is not to be treated as individuals.  Jake is being treated as a class of people: He’s in the class of people called, “Hired by the old bosses and not one of our new people.”  When you're treated that way, there's little you, as an individual, can do to change their minds.  Unless you can get them to see you as an individual.

The new bosses criticize him as if he’s a problem employee.  Jake takes their hostility personally.  He returns their hostility and wants to prove himself.  But he’s not a poor employee and it’s not personal, even though it has personal consequences for him.

When he takes it personally, he can’t think tactically and he makes it worse for himself.  When he gets frustrated, hurt and angry, he acts out and gives them excuses they can document for getting rid of him rapidly.  He gets poor evaluations and terminated before he finds another job.

This situation is similar to that of Charles, case study #10 in my book, “How to Stop Bullies in Their Tracks.”

I think that the place Jake has to begin is, “Who should I be/how should I look at it?”  Here’s what I mean.

Amy is in the same position as Jake: the new bosses want to get rid of her and many other leaders in the company.  Unlike Jake, she accepts that it’s not about her as an individual, even though it has individual consequences for her.  With coaching, she doesn’t take it personally.  She doesn’t like it any more than Jake does, but she can step back and plan her tactics thoughtfully.  How can she defend herself?

First she asks if there’s anything she can do to become one of the new team.  The answer is, “No.”  She doesn’t like what’s happening, so she finds out if they’re violating any protected categories.  Are they going after people on the basis of gender, age, race, religion, disabilities, etc?  No, it’s the new broom sweeping clean.

She doesn’t want bad evaluations on her record, so she makes them an offer: “If you give me good evaluations, recommendations and severance while I look for another job, I’ll go quietly and gracefully in a shorter time than it will take you to force me out.”  They agree.  They just want her gone as soon as they can and with as little fuss as they can.  With a good recommendation, Amy rapidly gets a better job as part of someone’s new team.  The severance enables her to get double pay for a few months.

Notice Amy’s sequence:

1. Don’t take it personally and defend yourself by thinking tactically.
2. See if you have a legal grievance.
3. If the deck is stacked against you, plan to leave with good recommendations.
4. Bargain for time to get a better job with people who appreciate you.

Jake needs to change how he looks at it so that he can change his impossible goals - getting the bosses to see him as a worthy individual they should keep or leaving with them thinking he’s as good an employee as he really is.  They don’t care about his feelings or the truth about how he’s performed.  But they’d rather keep things civil and pleasant enough for them, and maybe squeeze a little work out of him or just squeeze him because they don't like the old team.

Amy is glad to be gone and happy at her new job.  Jake is still bitter.  That shows up when he interviews for new jobs.

I know it sounds unfair, but there it is.

What’s been your experience?

Stop verbal abuse by a know-it-all boss

Iris’s manager knows everything.  He bullies Iris and her co-workers by being right and righteous; he’s sarcastic and demeaning.  He destroys teamwork by his constant criticism.  There’s never a word of praise, only correction and put-downs delivered in a haughty voice.  Every sentence starts with an unspoken, “Well, stupid, you should know …” or an exasperated, “I’m so frustrated; you’re so incompetent.” He acts superior while he runs down each employee to the other managers or bigger bosses.  He lists their faults and every mistake they’ve ever made.  There’s never a word of praise for their many accomplishments.  He seems to enjoy making each critical, hostile remark.  He says that it’s for their own good; it’ll help them become perfect.

Iris feels chastised, like she’s a child being corrected by a harsh parent.  She’s worked at the company for 15 years; her boss for 5.

What do you think should she do about his bullying?

Iris’s manager’s style of leadership is like the statement attributed to Captain Bligh of the Bounty, “The beatings will continue until morale improves.”  His verbal abuse creates a hostile workplace and it destroys her confidence and self-esteem.  She wonders if there’s a kernel of truth in what he says.  She’s also afraid of protest because he is her boss and she should respect his position, confrontation is distasteful and she might lose her job.

Iris is in a tough spot.  Her boss is a well-known type.  First, he’s a know-it-all who enjoys putting down people.  Second, he’s also the town gossip, dishing the dirt on everybody.  Bullies like him rarely change because of pressure from below.  After all, he does know best.

Doesn’t he sound like some parents we all know who think that the best way to help their children is to pound them relentlessly and embarrass them in public?  Deep down, these merciless parents do feel self-satisfied and righteous. Know-it-all bullies and town-gossips sometimes change when there’s strong, consistent pressure from above.  The pressure must be coupled with, “Change or you’re gone.”  But Iris’s manager has made himself seem indispensible to the bigger bosses, so Iris will have some difficult choices:

• Be as straightforward as she can with the bigger boss, knowing that her manager will find out and try to get her fired.
• Go to the bigger boss with most of the team, in hopes that the weight of numbers will sway the bigger boss.
• Find a bigger boss that she thinks will act wisely and keep her from getting terminated.
• Transfer to another department or look for another job – which is hard since Iris’s been there 15 years.
• Take it as best she can until she retires.

Iris should realize that her manager will take whatever she does as mutiny and will try to strike back.  I’ve rarely seen know-it-alls and town-gossips change.  Iris’s in a tough fight.

Coaching and the book, “How to Stop Bullies in Their Tracks,” helped Iris see her boss as a bully.  She realized how skilled she was at work and that she could get other jobs.  She refused to waste 8 hours a day for the rest of her life in workplace-hell.  Her determination and courage soared.

She used the five-step process and decided to go to the big boss.  But the big boss only gave Iris a lecture on how valuable Iris’s manager was.  The big boss wouldn’t even let Iris make her case.

Two bullying bosses were two too many for Iris.  She resigned.  She was surprised when she rapidly received a number of better job offers.

Iris said that the big inspiration for her came when she had a name for what was happening – “bullying.”  That freed her from her self-imposed restraints.  She said that she felt the weight of the world lifted from her shoulders.  She now feels free and alive like she hasn’t for years.

I think that self-esteem begins with actions.  Strategic action (whether it works out the way we hope or not) increases confidence and self-esteem.  Iris got herself out of a situation that she couldn't change.

She was successful.  Notice I say that without any knowledge of the future – whether her new job will be better in the long run.  Success is measured by the right actions you take, not by how wonderful it works out each time.  In the long run, as you keep taking the right actions every day, you'll get more of the results you want.  And your personal and work space will have fewer bullies to bother you or waste your time.